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Fucking Christ what is with women? Or at least what the fuck is up with the ones I date? I have two huge ass exams tomorrow and my ex calls me up knowing this and starts inherently threatening suicide if I do not come to her aid.
Now I am sure that she is only trying to see whether or not I care for her,...
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Now I am sure that she is only trying to see whether or not I care for her,...
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I just saw The Village, wow. I must say that I want a hot blind (blind not blonde)girl to walk through the woods to save my life in spite of monsters. Is that so wrong?
I just broke up with my girlfriend. I am not really sure why. I hate this immense ambiguity that seems to have permeated our relationship. I can't imagine myself with her but as I left tonight with her heart pumping in my right hand and her slumped on the stair flat going to her apartment I felt horrible pain.
I don't know why I do...
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I don't know why I do...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
fukuyama:
God I had a wonderfully intense day. I had to pick my ex-girl-friend up this morning & take her to her car. The most tense fifteen minute period since that one time I was waiting for my blood test results after that internship with the Cuban Circus Workers Union.
I dropper her off and in a state of dispar rushed to my daddy's house-he always has something wise and comforting to say. After he consoled me and we talked for a while I decided to roll home and get breakfast.
I feel better now. I think I made the right decision. Despite years of therapy and much assurance that it is entirely unneccesary I still put other people's needs in front of my own. And there is a great amount of pressure I still put on myself to try to make other people happy.
My ex has had an aweful run of luck lately. Her best and only other close friend in the area took a job far away, and now she has to move into her parents' because of a tight financial situation.
I feel almost that is my responsibility to take care of her but I struggle to remind myself that none of these things are my fault and that I have to step back and understand that she is a strong perosn and that she eventually will get through this.
-what doesn't kill us makes us stranger- --Trevor Goodchild
Okay enough of this sappy personal life bullshit.
I was in an emotional frenzy last night and I was desperate for something more depraved or visually sullen than my own predicament. I found this thing about child soldiers on the internet and I started downloading pictures of them.
A month or so ago I read this thing in Rolling Stone about how they use 8-10 year old boys as soldiers in Liberia. Strange happenstance has it that the president of Liberia, Charles Taylor, has a son whom goes to school here in the United States. Even stranger is the fact that in my troubled childhood I managed to find myself at a disciplinary boarding school. Charles Taylor Jr., the president's son, lived 2 doors down from me.
Anyway I was reading about how the majority of the conflicts that these children were engaged in were over. And also the UN & NATO had condemed certain nations-mostly African and Eastern Asian countries- for such practices. And now there are strong initiatives in place to rehabilitate these children.
Today, when my thoughts weren't focused on my ex and my disgraceful emotional defection from her, I was thinking about what those kids went through. I have known many people that were sexually assulted as children, many more that were physically and verbally abused by their parents, but none that were wielding ak-47s and dodging rocket propelled grenades by the time they were 9.
Some of the stories of these kids were just heart wrenching. Almost all of them were abandoned by their parents and then recruited into thier respective armies simply to have food and shelter. Several more of them participated in cannablism, and almost all of them were intended to die on the front lines simply to empty the enemies' guns before the adult soldiers engaged them. Most of them haven't seen their parents since then.
I read that the average life expectancy of a child soldier was 13 years. The most common cause of death-suicide. I think it would be awesome to go help rehabilitate them. Perhaps.......
[Edited on Jul 25, 2004 6:10PM]
[Edited on Jul 25, 2004 6:14PM]
I dropper her off and in a state of dispar rushed to my daddy's house-he always has something wise and comforting to say. After he consoled me and we talked for a while I decided to roll home and get breakfast.
I feel better now. I think I made the right decision. Despite years of therapy and much assurance that it is entirely unneccesary I still put other people's needs in front of my own. And there is a great amount of pressure I still put on myself to try to make other people happy.
My ex has had an aweful run of luck lately. Her best and only other close friend in the area took a job far away, and now she has to move into her parents' because of a tight financial situation.
I feel almost that is my responsibility to take care of her but I struggle to remind myself that none of these things are my fault and that I have to step back and understand that she is a strong perosn and that she eventually will get through this.
-what doesn't kill us makes us stranger- --Trevor Goodchild
Okay enough of this sappy personal life bullshit.
I was in an emotional frenzy last night and I was desperate for something more depraved or visually sullen than my own predicament. I found this thing about child soldiers on the internet and I started downloading pictures of them.
A month or so ago I read this thing in Rolling Stone about how they use 8-10 year old boys as soldiers in Liberia. Strange happenstance has it that the president of Liberia, Charles Taylor, has a son whom goes to school here in the United States. Even stranger is the fact that in my troubled childhood I managed to find myself at a disciplinary boarding school. Charles Taylor Jr., the president's son, lived 2 doors down from me.
Anyway I was reading about how the majority of the conflicts that these children were engaged in were over. And also the UN & NATO had condemed certain nations-mostly African and Eastern Asian countries- for such practices. And now there are strong initiatives in place to rehabilitate these children.
Today, when my thoughts weren't focused on my ex and my disgraceful emotional defection from her, I was thinking about what those kids went through. I have known many people that were sexually assulted as children, many more that were physically and verbally abused by their parents, but none that were wielding ak-47s and dodging rocket propelled grenades by the time they were 9.
Some of the stories of these kids were just heart wrenching. Almost all of them were abandoned by their parents and then recruited into thier respective armies simply to have food and shelter. Several more of them participated in cannablism, and almost all of them were intended to die on the front lines simply to empty the enemies' guns before the adult soldiers engaged them. Most of them haven't seen their parents since then.
I read that the average life expectancy of a child soldier was 13 years. The most common cause of death-suicide. I think it would be awesome to go help rehabilitate them. Perhaps.......
[Edited on Jul 25, 2004 6:10PM]
[Edited on Jul 25, 2004 6:14PM]
legionnaire:
Hi, thanks a lot for your submission to the SG politics newswire. The only thing that has kept me from publishing it is that the content of the original article isn't available to non-WSJ subscribers, so I can't' read the article and neither can readers who don't subscribe. If you have access to a free link or the text of the article on another website, please send it to me and I'll publish your submission, as it is interesting and well written.
Thanks.
Thanks.