Soooo...I got totally wasted a couple nights ago. haha
But let's start from the beginning. I am now friends with the girl that my bf met off the internet. We actually have a lot in common. So we were hanging out Monday night intending to go to Open Mic Night at the Starline, except that on our way there, I found out that my bf(Ben) finished off the rum. I felt like Captain Jack Sparrow. But why is all the rum gone? Sooo, we later decided that we wanted to go get drunk. So we go back to Ben's house, him and his brother go and get some more rum, then we head to the park to drink. Turns out, we knew some people that were in the spot we wanted to drink at. So we joined them in talking and Mandy(the girl from the net) and I were drinking. I think I drank it too fast...kinda chugged at one point. Heh. So, our friends left, and we decided to go see if other friends were availible. We drive there, they're not, we pull over, and have a cigarette. So I am pretty drunk by this point. Haha Then we see our friends drive past as they are heading back to their house. Mandy and I decide to walk there while Ben drives. And we just show up at their house. Haha And they let us in, I announce that I am wasted. He(our friend Nick), laughs, and then pulls out a pipe. Sooom they all pass that around and take a hit. Ben does, then mandy does, then I thought, hey, why not? Completely forgetting that I do not like weed. Haha Sooo, I take a pretty good hit and cough a little. Then Mandy and I go outside so she can have a ciagarette.
We are talking andd stuff, then we feel the weed hit us, and man it felt soooo weird to be drunk and high at the same time. I end up saying things I thought I would never say. It all doesn't seem real at all. Like it didn't really happen. I ended up saying something about wanting to kiss and girl and she's for it so we start making out. hah. Yeah. Then we go in the house, and next thing I remember, I am on the couch, announcing that we kissed. I was also told that I announced that I was horny and I wanted to have sex with Ben. Haha And I also tried to take off my shirt. Haha
Then the next thing I remember is I am laying on a couch, then on the floor. Then I start puking. And then I start moaning really loud. Ben calls it howling. Then I would quiet down. And I could feel myself almost fallingg asleep...I think I was almost passing out. But then I would hear Ben and Mandy talking and I would pull myself out and I would try to look at them. I couldn't stand out. I was dead weight. Then I said I was feeling sick again, and I started barfing again, then I started howling again. I remember telling them it is because of my medication. And saying take me to the hospital. Of course, they didn't. Ben also tells me that I was telling them to get me a gun so I could kill myself; I said this multiple times. I started to come out of it and I was able to walk again and I guess I went outside,e then went to the bathroom. I don't really remember all of this. I remember saying, did I barf on my neck? Because my hair was wet. haha I don't know why it was. Then the next thing I know is I am in my boyfriend's backseat and I am trying to get my shoes on. Flip flops. But I am insisting that I only have one, but Mandy says she had them both. So they take me home and I am still wasted!!!! My mother is it! Turns out she called me 6 times! My phone was accidentally on silent. It's 2 am. I am supposed to be home at 12. haha And I smell like alcohol and am acting funny. and I have no shoes on. haha I don't think she noticed, though.
I was able to lie my way out of it all. I am that good.
However, I am realizing that all of this isn't me...at all! This site, those pictures, the drinking, that drugs...they aren't me!!! So I was about ready to break up with my boyfriend. So now there are more problems between us. And he is still sad, even though I wish it would all just blow over and go away. I want it all gone.I want him to feel happier. God, I fuck up so much. I hate myself and I want to die. More than anything, I want to die. Or at least go to a hospital...mental hospital. I have been wanting to take a lot of pills just so I could get real sick, then call someone and tell them, then I would go on suicide watch and get the help that I reeally need. I just want things to start out fresh. No more Lies...
But let's start from the beginning. I am now friends with the girl that my bf met off the internet. We actually have a lot in common. So we were hanging out Monday night intending to go to Open Mic Night at the Starline, except that on our way there, I found out that my bf(Ben) finished off the rum. I felt like Captain Jack Sparrow. But why is all the rum gone? Sooo, we later decided that we wanted to go get drunk. So we go back to Ben's house, him and his brother go and get some more rum, then we head to the park to drink. Turns out, we knew some people that were in the spot we wanted to drink at. So we joined them in talking and Mandy(the girl from the net) and I were drinking. I think I drank it too fast...kinda chugged at one point. Heh. So, our friends left, and we decided to go see if other friends were availible. We drive there, they're not, we pull over, and have a cigarette. So I am pretty drunk by this point. Haha Then we see our friends drive past as they are heading back to their house. Mandy and I decide to walk there while Ben drives. And we just show up at their house. Haha And they let us in, I announce that I am wasted. He(our friend Nick), laughs, and then pulls out a pipe. Sooom they all pass that around and take a hit. Ben does, then mandy does, then I thought, hey, why not? Completely forgetting that I do not like weed. Haha Sooo, I take a pretty good hit and cough a little. Then Mandy and I go outside so she can have a ciagarette.
We are talking andd stuff, then we feel the weed hit us, and man it felt soooo weird to be drunk and high at the same time. I end up saying things I thought I would never say. It all doesn't seem real at all. Like it didn't really happen. I ended up saying something about wanting to kiss and girl and she's for it so we start making out. hah. Yeah. Then we go in the house, and next thing I remember, I am on the couch, announcing that we kissed. I was also told that I announced that I was horny and I wanted to have sex with Ben. Haha And I also tried to take off my shirt. Haha
Then the next thing I remember is I am laying on a couch, then on the floor. Then I start puking. And then I start moaning really loud. Ben calls it howling. Then I would quiet down. And I could feel myself almost fallingg asleep...I think I was almost passing out. But then I would hear Ben and Mandy talking and I would pull myself out and I would try to look at them. I couldn't stand out. I was dead weight. Then I said I was feeling sick again, and I started barfing again, then I started howling again. I remember telling them it is because of my medication. And saying take me to the hospital. Of course, they didn't. Ben also tells me that I was telling them to get me a gun so I could kill myself; I said this multiple times. I started to come out of it and I was able to walk again and I guess I went outside,e then went to the bathroom. I don't really remember all of this. I remember saying, did I barf on my neck? Because my hair was wet. haha I don't know why it was. Then the next thing I know is I am in my boyfriend's backseat and I am trying to get my shoes on. Flip flops. But I am insisting that I only have one, but Mandy says she had them both. So they take me home and I am still wasted!!!! My mother is it! Turns out she called me 6 times! My phone was accidentally on silent. It's 2 am. I am supposed to be home at 12. haha And I smell like alcohol and am acting funny. and I have no shoes on. haha I don't think she noticed, though.
I was able to lie my way out of it all. I am that good.
However, I am realizing that all of this isn't me...at all! This site, those pictures, the drinking, that drugs...they aren't me!!! So I was about ready to break up with my boyfriend. So now there are more problems between us. And he is still sad, even though I wish it would all just blow over and go away. I want it all gone.I want him to feel happier. God, I fuck up so much. I hate myself and I want to die. More than anything, I want to die. Or at least go to a hospital...mental hospital. I have been wanting to take a lot of pills just so I could get real sick, then call someone and tell them, then I would go on suicide watch and get the help that I reeally need. I just want things to start out fresh. No more Lies...