elysia

If I had to describe my week with one word it'd have to be CATATONIC. This week has been a total blur.

Lack of meds + lack of sleep + alcohol intake = blank

All good fun though. Last night was spent out with my only non-virtual female friend. The girliest my friends seem to get usually is the selection of gay men that i work with .. and in my office that's about 80% of the male population. It's quite an odd friendship really.

The good thing about having a token female friend is it gives me someone to talk about horrible girlie things about. Smear tests. Boys. Soap operas. All very girly points of conversation.

A few cocktails and a few visits to friends pubs later and we end up in our usual haunt. It's only a small place and it was quite busy so we were getting pretty squashed.

Anyways, this guy pushes in the middle of us looking as if he's going to get a drink. Fair play. How wrong was i?

This guy it turns out (or so his story goes) is from Norway and has been over in the UK for a few weeks working as a bricklayer and is flying back to Norway tomorrow from Stanstead. I ask him what are the best 5 things about Norway. His only response is an invitation to take me skiing in the winter and an invitation to get on the plane with him tomorrow. I explain that not only is that a little forward but also that i'd rather snowboard and he's still not deterred. He asks me if i have a boyfriend. Knowing that i'm immediately surrounded by strangers who have all tried it on at some point i take the safest option.

I tell him that the lady he's standing next to (token female friend) is in fact my girlfriend. He leans into her and tells her that he thinks i'm making it up. I have no option but to kiss her. Unfortunately this only goes on to provoke the situation further and now he goes on to tell me in his broken English that now he's horny and would really like a threesome.

I then go on to explain that we don't share each other out, and that we are one woman women. I also explain how glad we are that there will soon be the possibility to marry and how we're trying to adopt an ethiopian boy because Angelina Jolie has one and she's a sexy bitch.

He's still persistant and now he's starting to bother my 'girlfriend' so as i'm getting bored of him taking up my evening i pushed him outta the way and kissed her again. Weird Norweigan guy now ended up being pushed out of the way by the queue of guys coming over and telling us that we rocked. What i do have to mention is that it was an AMAZING kiss. She'd deffo go in my top five.

The barman had picked up on freaky Norweigan guy and as it'd gone last orders he decided to escort him away from us and out of the bar. As he was being dragged away he slipped a business card in my pocket. When i tried to pull it out of my pocket he told me to wait til he'd left to read it. Intruiged i pulled it out of my pocket.

Fucking hilarious. I've been given some VERY FUNNY business cards by some weird freaks when i've been drinking in this bar (i think it's part of the appeal) but nothing quite as funny at this one.

I've just been to get the card out of my pocket and it's still making me laugh even now.

Mr Happy Film - Norweigan Porn Performer/Producer. It has a telephone number, email and this webpage

If you have a look through the sample pictures there's one of a guy taking some girl from behind whilst she's giving oral to some other woman. That guy is the guy from last night. How funny!

Alan Partridge quote of the day;

"If you saw a family having a picnic in a field by a pond, and a tree you'd fill in the pond, you'd plough the family into the field. You'd blow up the tree. Then you'd use the leaves from the tree to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother"