I should really go to bed, but I don't want to. I find myself in a rather strange mood, that I can't quite put into words, so since I fancy myself as an aspiring writer, I really should make the attempt.
I feel extremely relaxed, but also kind of sad. It's a sadness without any real direction or cause, and it's not depression, but something else. I sort of like it.
I'm sitting at the dining room table, with my laptop in front of me, drinking tea and listening to calming music. My head seems to be focusing on things that make me feel sad. I'm thinking of that girl I love but won't get to be with, I'm thinking of my near future, which I know is going to be mostly boring, frustrating and unfulfilled. I'm thinking of my career aspirations, and considering the real possibility that I may never reach them. I'm thinking of all the shit that's going on in the world that I can't fix, and having said all of that, it all seems to have brought my body into a state that I find pleasant. I'm not feeling a crushing hopelessness, despite how it may seem. I'm thinking, there's all of these negative aspects to my existence at the moment, but I just love being alive anyway.
I feel extremely relaxed, but also kind of sad. It's a sadness without any real direction or cause, and it's not depression, but something else. I sort of like it.
I'm sitting at the dining room table, with my laptop in front of me, drinking tea and listening to calming music. My head seems to be focusing on things that make me feel sad. I'm thinking of that girl I love but won't get to be with, I'm thinking of my near future, which I know is going to be mostly boring, frustrating and unfulfilled. I'm thinking of my career aspirations, and considering the real possibility that I may never reach them. I'm thinking of all the shit that's going on in the world that I can't fix, and having said all of that, it all seems to have brought my body into a state that I find pleasant. I'm not feeling a crushing hopelessness, despite how it may seem. I'm thinking, there's all of these negative aspects to my existence at the moment, but I just love being alive anyway.
guardian_:
I've been feeling the same way off and on this past month. In the end those days really make things more clear and let you see what is going on around you without a filter. I just hope that this is the depth of the sadness and that it doesn't grow larger for you.
duckyfuzz:
Yeah, it's like, I was feeling sad, but also feeling it's ok to be sad sometimes, so I was just rolling with it. Now I just feel tired because I stayed up too late last night pondering too many deep thoughts, haha.