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drstinkypants

Member Since 2002

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Monday Apr 09, 2007

Apr 9, 2007
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I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel like I shouldn't feel so sad at the loss of someone I haven't seen or talked to for over a year. But I am.
I'm trying to move forward but I feel pulled back by the regret of a thousand unspoken words. I'm just... I don't know what to do. I can't get my brain to realize she's gone, and I can't get my heart to feel like it's ok with that.
It just doesn't make any fucking sense. And the thing is, I know it doesn't make any sense. It's not that it doesn't make any sense right now, it won't ever make any sense.
We were in a similar place when we met. I'm at a different place now.
I wish I could have reached out.
I wish she could have known how many people cared about her.
I wish I could do anything but sit here and listen to "Hallelujah" on repeat.
This grief is a part of me.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
snakeplissken:
Basically a partial mash is using a small amount of grain in the same method as a steep. For the recipe above all I did was put the grains in a grain bag, heat about two gallons of water to 172 degrees and drop the bag in. Mush it around to soak up the water and lid it up, then wrap it up in towels on top of a hot pad. Sticking it in an oven on the lowest heat works too. All you're looking to do is hold in the heat so that the enzymes will stay awake and convert the starch to sugar.

After an hour you just pull the bag out, rinse it with another gallon of hot water into the brew pot (don't squeeze the bag), and continue with the boil as usual. I wait until the last ten minutes to add the extract, as it's a finished product and only needs sanitized. I measure the gravity before the boil too to make sure I don't need to mess with the hop additions.

Really you don't much equipment at all to do a complete all-grain even.

This works great on the cheap. I don't even use the braid in the cooler. I just put my grains in a giant bag. If boil volume is a problem you can also use way more grains to make a concentrated wort and water it down. That's what I do too since grains are relatively cheap.
Apr 11, 2007
sapient_fool:
oh man! I listened to "Hallelujah" just once and had to delete it. I cried for an hour. I thought it would help, but it made it much worse. It digs up your feelings, but it doesn't help you do anything with them. I'll be able to listen to it again someday, but not for awhile. Hang in there. man. We were meant to grieve, we were her friends.
Apr 15, 2007

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