dinos

It's 4:30am, AND I FEEL SO EMOTIONALLY SICK RIGHT NOW.

I actually had a nice night out with a friend tonight and after some problems getting home, I got in at 2am.

But once I got in, my mood has sunk lower than I have felt in a long time.

Like in the "WHAT MAKES ME SAD" part of my profile, the thing that upsets me most, is seeing other people sad, lonely, or really upset. What makes this a thousand times worse, is when you find out it is you, who by accident and not by design, who has caused the sadness, and/or anger in someone.

I have found this out tonight, and I feel very sick now... very sick indeed. I hope to put right this horrible situation, and I will do my best. But I think I am discovering, that my journey out of the darkness of last year isn't going to be a smooth one at all. I have this uncanny knack of upsetting people by being overly generous and nice. Some people are not used to it, and I don't think I've learnt this yet.

For me this is the worst thing ever. I guess making new friends is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

This comes after a week of being worried sick about my brother. He has a rare genetic condition called Williams Syndrome, which makes him mentally and physically disabled. He has had a really shitty life, and I, along with my mum have had to look after him all his life. Part of his condition is that he has kidney disease, and it has now spread into his second kidney. He is suffering terrible pains right now, and he has become immune to all but one drug now. Once he becomes immune to that, there is little that anyone can do. I can't tell you how the fear of loosing him hurts me and my family. He hasn't got a long life expectancy as it is.

I guess somehow this comes full circle, as I have been over doing it here on SG a bit, I suppose trying to distract myself from the problems at home by chatting to people, or reading other people's stories. But this has been unhealthy too, as too much of anything is bad I guess. I think I've been over zealous/over enthusiastic and over familiar with some people.

I really don't know what I'm thinking right now, but I know exactly what I am feeling. I want to curl up into a ball and hope I disappear, before I somehow do any more damage to other peoples feelings. I really can't take much more of this "life" thing.



I'll leave you with a positive for all you out there;

People... be well for one another, and treat one another well. Never let any misunderstandings get out of hand, and always be humble and kind.

If you are enjoying life, continue to enjoy!! When life is good, it is the best thing ever!!

Dinos.xx

P.S. feel free to contact me. But I may not be quick in getting back at times, just so you know.