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desidia

that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

Member Since 2002

Followers 169 Following 92

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Thursday Jul 20, 2006

Jul 20, 2006
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Thank you for reading my flip out. I needed to get that out of my system. I had no choice but to flip out. Instead of taking a steaming shit on my face like usual, Life pulled the carpet from under my feet instead.

This week I:

A) Was told I have to move out of my apartment exactly one week earlier than I was told when I moved in.

B) Was told by my best and pretty much only chance of finding a place to live next month that completely abandoning me and going to California was something that was piquing her interest.

So I had to flip out. After eating ramen for three days in my unairconditioned sweltering apartment and my overheating computer and a photocopy of a shadow of a shitty wireless internet connection... yeah...

well I'm a lot calmer now. Still as hopeless and miserable but a lot calmer and more rational. if by any chance you have a couch I could use or an affordable room on Manhattan Island or live right off a connecting subway to Manhattan I do have a part time job and will most likely have a second by the end of the month. My odds of having enough funds to move out on my own however by August 13th though...

Anyways, for the record "I love you" is reasonably unrelated to my inability to support myself in the slightest. They're two seperate tirades.

Enjoy them again if you like:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
For the record I still think the creulest words are: "I love you". And to think I found myself believing you time to time.

For the record I'd like to say this bad patch of luck has lasted over a year. Over a fucking year ago I was telling myself its only rough patch, they don't last forever and everyone goes through them . And every fucking month since then has been worse than the one before.

I'm not asking for much. My demands are utterly reasonable, hideously compromised from a year of tragedy but I think I'm just at the fucking end of my nine lives. I can't get up to get knocked down again. I'm done.

I don't see how I'm going to get out of it this time and quite frankly I'm fucking sick and tired of getting fucked in the ass by fate again and again. I struggled and squirmed and managed to keep myself alive this long and it was an uphill battle the whole time but now I'm done.

Fuck it and fuck you.

I don't know why my life had to be such a cruel joke. It's pretty fucking funny when I think about it but I'm cutting it short. Theres just no reason why my life needed to be this shitty and I'm well past my tolerance. Thanks for playing. I'm gonna go back to smashing up my room and otherwise have a nervous breakdown.

P.S. Fuck. You. You know who you are. Thanks for goddamn nothing.

VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
laceyk:
P.S. You can stay here for a bit and take the metro to 125th street. It isn't the best solution but it is one, and I will be in italy for a week as well.
Jul 21, 2006
sid:
hi. i'm on dial up... it sucks. ♥
Jul 22, 2006

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