degraded

everything is easier said than done. need to leave my worries behind but i am still struggling with that. maybe if i pretend the zombie apocolypse is already upon us; maybe then i will be more grateful for the time i have left.

anyway, i cancelled my cellphone and car insurance but that set me back on the credit card bills and well i guess...
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still scared of showing my true self or preoccupied with things that are important to other people-namely bills and bill collectors but i'm not going to do that anymore. i've decided i only want to love people with all i got and then some. even if that means they'll have to suffer through me being uncomfortable. furthermore i need, yes need, to get more involved...
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have been avoid everything since i was blindside by a sexsual harassment complaint against me at work. the boss addressed me and everything was fine but it kept eating at me as it isn't the first time it has happened (the first time was at a different job). i hate making the same mistake twice so i decided to attack my problem with communication and...
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weekly blog? don't mind if i do.

still procrastinating but at least i sent out a couple resumes this week; one for a hotel the other for residential house cleaners. not really to optimistic about it and getting better at dealing with debt or atleast that's what it felt like this week (tired of caring; of hoping for anything; of being disappointed).

went to a...
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::insert picture of black lloyd dobler::

i need you.

i've had a blast but it's time to go (thanks for the free three months sg); at least i know where to go if i need beautiful souls to talk to and to make me feel more alive.

in other happenings, i've been collecting junk for years in the form of ideas and i feel like they are holding me back in away so in...
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after sleeping a couple hours (i stayed up late catching up on the private practice season and woke with the sun which was practically up when i fell asleep), i literally rolled out of bed like i planned to start doing to avoid having to get up but allowing myself to be out of bed. then like i didn't plan i apologized to the carpet...
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drowning in thoughts about what to do with my life i come here and instantly i feel like i'm floating.

i love that i spend my days not talking to anyone and then come home to get that needed release here. it's weird how i've just grown into it too; the not wanting to talk to anyone i don't admire. i guess it's grown out of simply wanting to be admired by people i admire more so than from people i don't which is also...
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so my samsung memoir 2 is freaking out right ...the screen is black and it's vibrating like a bat out of hell ...i can't unlock it or press any button to see the screensaver... if i had an actual vagina i'd stick it in me ...

so the perfect girl seems to have just fell into my lap the other day but i'm pretty sure i fucked up that situation with my overthinking which happens a lot when i'm faced with something i hadn't thought of before. in this case it was being presented with what i always wanted and realizing i didn't want that. i don't know. i think a...
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