deathtoforls

I left one pic up for you so there

ps. Quantum Leap is the SHIZNIT YO!!!!

[Edited on Jul 05, 2005 7:44PM]

how convient that you are coming up here, i'm off wed - friday haha.

uh, get a hold of me before you head up. was good talking to you last night

- Icon

yeah... jan 16th rules, and neato does sound like such an 80s band. but yeah go us.

Well, even if you did make an ass out of yourself I'll bet you are beating yourself up over it more than you should be. Plus, when you get fucked up you are allowed to do stupid shit from time to time.

Getting away from your curent group is the only way to get past behavior that they reinforce. Maybe your grief can be a catalyst for a good life change, but don't be too hard on yourself right now.

anytime, really. I have to run a couple erands in the morning so, say, 1 or 2?

Man, that's so similar to how I feel, it's almost as if I wrote that. With a few exceptions. I shall count the ways.

"-My accommodating personality is snowing these guys into thinking I'm better than I really am"
I don't know you all that well, really, but it's usually a safe bet that when someone says something like this they're probably selling themselves short. Everyone has imperfections. If we didn't notice them then we wouldn't improve ourselves, so it's extremely important to notice them so we can resolve them. However, all too often we seem to focus on them a lil too much and it ends up being unhealthy.

"-People are fucking lonely bastards. Each and every one of us at some point searches for solace in a member of the opposite sex, which is unhealthy at best"
God damn tootin!

"-Ongoing and unsuccessful efforts to "date me" would probably fizzle out the minute I agreed to such, or as soon as I slept with them. In other words you want what you can't have until you get it, at which point it becomes disinteresting."
I'm actually the exact opposite. If I see someone is interested in me I become a lot more interested in them. If I see that someone isn't interested in me at all I loose all interest in them as well. It extends deep into the rest of everything in my life. Of all of the sports cars, the one I'd rather have the most is a Lotus Esprit. I didn't have much interest in them until I saw how little they cost. Once I saw that obtaining one was feasible I got a lot more interested in it. Even though the Ferraris are better cars, I'll never have one so I don't care about them.

"You cannot tell a person you love them/are in love with them after knowing them one week and mean it. Why can't I have male friends that understand this?"
I wanna consider myself your friend and I haven't decided I love you and, even though you seem to be a really kick ass chick, I don't see myself proclaiming undying love for you anytime soon.

"Frankly, it upsets me because all my supposed "friendships" are becoming muddled with these delusions of love, which I suspect are a bunch of bullshit emotions caused by loneliness."
I would bet money that your suspicions are correct.

"I don't want to open myself up to heartbreak, feel dependent on another for happiness, or make a life with anyone at this time in my life. I simply want to enjoy life and figure out who the hell I am."
There you definitely do speak wisdom. Although me, I'm much less interested in finding out who I am than just doing whatever I want to do. Whether if I know who I am or not wont change much. I'll still be the same guy.

"Perhaps it's bitter, cynical, even pessimistic to feel the way I do...but it does keep me from have a broken heart daily."
I just see that as being logical and smart.

"I feel as if they're seeing the me they've created to comfort themselves"
Man, I've felt that sooooo much with the people I talk to online. Someone will proclaim their perpetual love to me and I think "Wow, you got all that from the 16kybtes of text that you've received from me in the 4 weeks that we've been chatting online? The love of your life is worth only 16KB?" Obviously, I never said that to anyone but I thought it many times. Of course their "undying love" fades out over a few weeks and thy find some other dude that they fall head over heels in love with. But I mean how do you tell someone "no, you're delusional. When you met me you filled in all the blanks of what you didn't know about me with what you wanted and turned me into some superhuman that I'm not"? Without absolutely destroying them, I mean. I tried once. It wasn't pretty. Now I make sure to not get into situations where that might happen. Well, I make it an objective to. Dunno if I actually do, but it's good to have objectives.

Burn them as raw MP3 files. Don't try burning that much music to regular audio CD's. You'll probably miss a major holiday if you try something like that. This way, you'll only need to burn approximately 60-something CD's, as opposed to God only knows how many

Love.
As in Arthur Lee.

bust out your wicked kung fu on her ass

I'm a mofogator? What the fuck is that? It had better be good, or I'll give you a bitch slapping so severe you'll cream yourself. Wait...that's something you'd like. Ah, fuck it, it works for both of us, doesn't it?

So far, Oklahoma is treating me pretty rough...

Unloaded the U-Haul today. Brought tons of guitars and speakers and stereo equipment into my dad's house, then drove to my uncle's place to store literally tons of other stuff.

My buddy Todd helped me with that last part, so I guess maybe Oklahoma ain't treatin' me so bad after all, it was just extremely hot & muggy.

Sorry you have to give up your kitties...

wha's up sweets...

Glad to hear you're doing better. I hope your dad's friend fulfills your request.

Sheesh, hon, you are too hard on yourself. You're not allowing yourself time to grieve. Get sober for a while and accept the feelings you're having; they're normal. You'll get through this but you need to stop burying your feelings under all those chemicals.

I am currently dealing with a dependency on barbiturates myself...Your serotonin levels are probably fucked up right now, which doesn't help your situation...

It's so normal for people your age to start questioning things like that...You should know that you're not alone, and I promise everything will eventually work out for you...You're gorgeous, witty, and kind...You have endless potential...

your headphones look awkward
the rest just looks... fine to me, I guess

i just wanted to say .. you = the hotness

you need a vacation. email me,

Come over here, and have a rest, get away from it all better yet go and see Mandy on her journal. And what you are going will Get over itself after awhile and keep safe.

Calling me is no longer an option, Matt took the phone today.

I wish I could see you before I leave, but I feel lucky to have spent any time with you at all.

I'm so sorry about your hurt, I wish I could do something for you.

I miss you so much, baby.