I am so screwed up. Between all my mental issues, the drugs I take for them and all the drugs and drinking I have done in the past. I really do not know if I am really living or dreaming. I know I am living now but everything in my past feels like a dream obscured by a weird fog. I really can't tell you with certainty what is real in my past. Even if something is "proven" to be real I still don"t know if it truly is. Or if it happened that way. I know I sound really fucked up but in many ways I truly am. Also everything seems so far away and distant even if only it happened 2 minutes ago. This whole issue is really eating the fuck away at me. No one can even understand the slightest bit. But then again I don't think any one has ever understood even 5% of me let alone my fucking mind. And the sad thing is that nobody cares to anyway so in response I don't care either. But for some strange reason I will always care and feel for others. Yes I love but I am never loved in return. So fuck it I just smoke a joint, drink a ton of beers and then pass the fuck out dreaming scared of how it is all going to go with Amy on Wednesday.
Well as usual I will finish by saying peace to all of you out there in SG land.
Well as usual I will finish by saying peace to all of you out there in SG land.
