This is the I'm Nervous So I'm Doing Something To Take My Mind Off Of It But All I'll Be Doing Is Talking About It So How The Hell Does That Make Sense blog.
I only have one irrational fear. I think it's ok to fear being shot while in a gunfight, burned while inside a building on fire, or eaten by alligators when nuts deep in a florida swamp with live kittens stapled to your chest and your hands tied behind your back. Those are rational fears.
But i'm afraid of heights. It's a weakness i detest.
I remember exactly when it started. Because as a kid - i didnt have it. I climbed 50 ft trees, we got onto the roof of every school and shopping mall in the town, i even took the controlls of a small plane my friend was flying when we were in highschool (i even stalled it by going to high with not enough throttle .. i just looked at my friend and asked if it was a problem - he said 'nope' and started it again - didnt phase me in the least)
but shortly after that time, some friends and i were walking along the st lawrence river on the ice - it used to almost freeze completely over back then. We ended up in an area where if we wanted to get back to the road we either had to climb a 30ft fliff, or walk back the way we came which would have taken 20 min. So no big deal - we climb the cliff. This was about 30 years ago but i remember the 1st part like it was yesterday. I get half way up - everything is covered in ice and snow ... when all of a sudden i realize i'm in a spot where i cant go up or down. I was stuck - above these jagged ass rocks. I remember my friends yelling at me trying to help ... but my memory after that is blank. My last memory was being frozen to the side of the cliff in blind terror - afraid to move. I have no idea how i got up - or down to this day.
So now i have this irrational fear that i absolutely hate. I'm on the 15th floor of an office building - corner office. it took me ages to be able to look out of the window. When we see events in arenas and get nosebleed seats - i'm terrified - i dont move the whole time. I can't go on rides at fairs that are above the ground ...I try some for the sake of my kid and i've never let on that i'm afraid - but somehow he's afraid of heights too - so i dont have to go on the 'bad ones' anyway.
And - i'm afraid to fly.
So what am i doing tomorrow ? Flying to Seattle - which means a Toronto to Chicago flight, then a chicago to Seattle flight. Two Take offs, two landings, and a total of 5 hours in the air. Funny thing is - in contrast to most people - its not the takeoffs and landings that bother me - those take place close to the ground. Its being in the air that bothers me. So i've been trying to deal with it for the last 4 months ... doing the rationalizing thing - sometimes i'll find some peace ... then (and this happened yesterday) i'll see a plane go by over head and my heart flies up into my throat. And tomorrow is the day. holy Hell.
I'm going to Seattle for a horror convention - which makes things even worse. I dont want to die in a plane crash because i was going to a fanboy convention, its embarrasing. There's no glory in that at all.
I was going to this thing to just spend a weekend on my own where i could take a ton of photos, offer them to the organizers after in the hopes that they like what i did and have me back the next year. So as luck would have it - my good friend the horror/movie reviewer/writer was recently made the editor of the most well known horror rag in the world. So he asked me to rep the mag while i was there .. so now i'm going as press. I'll be doing interviews, filming the panels, etc.
So it should be kind of fun, right ?
All i can think about is the god damn methiod of transportation. God i hate that feeling of being nervous. Nothing else bothers me. Not confined spaces, not spiders or snakes. I dont believe in ghosts or anything supernatural. I could sleep in a graveyard at midnight on halloween and not be bothered by anything but the dew. I'm not afraid of being punched, rejection, or midgets. I'm not afraid of clowns (i dont like them but i dont fear them. seriously - no one fucking likes clowns - NO ONE - where do these assholes keep coming from ? at least dentists get paid big bank - what the fuck does a clown make ?)
Just flying. I wish i could go back to the mindset i had as a kid .. i was pumped to get on a plane - couldnt wait.
oh well. until next time ....... if there is a next time ..... this is me signing off.
If i have time and survive and anything happens worth mentioning - i'll try to write something about it at night if they havent taken me out drinking like they keep threatening to do.
but if you never hear from me again - then you know what happened - try to remember me fondly.
unless you're a fucking clown - then you can just fuck off.
(i would like to add the disclaimer that i have seen a set where SG Friskey is dressed like a clown - she's the one exception)
later gaters.
I only have one irrational fear. I think it's ok to fear being shot while in a gunfight, burned while inside a building on fire, or eaten by alligators when nuts deep in a florida swamp with live kittens stapled to your chest and your hands tied behind your back. Those are rational fears.
But i'm afraid of heights. It's a weakness i detest.
I remember exactly when it started. Because as a kid - i didnt have it. I climbed 50 ft trees, we got onto the roof of every school and shopping mall in the town, i even took the controlls of a small plane my friend was flying when we were in highschool (i even stalled it by going to high with not enough throttle .. i just looked at my friend and asked if it was a problem - he said 'nope' and started it again - didnt phase me in the least)
but shortly after that time, some friends and i were walking along the st lawrence river on the ice - it used to almost freeze completely over back then. We ended up in an area where if we wanted to get back to the road we either had to climb a 30ft fliff, or walk back the way we came which would have taken 20 min. So no big deal - we climb the cliff. This was about 30 years ago but i remember the 1st part like it was yesterday. I get half way up - everything is covered in ice and snow ... when all of a sudden i realize i'm in a spot where i cant go up or down. I was stuck - above these jagged ass rocks. I remember my friends yelling at me trying to help ... but my memory after that is blank. My last memory was being frozen to the side of the cliff in blind terror - afraid to move. I have no idea how i got up - or down to this day.
So now i have this irrational fear that i absolutely hate. I'm on the 15th floor of an office building - corner office. it took me ages to be able to look out of the window. When we see events in arenas and get nosebleed seats - i'm terrified - i dont move the whole time. I can't go on rides at fairs that are above the ground ...I try some for the sake of my kid and i've never let on that i'm afraid - but somehow he's afraid of heights too - so i dont have to go on the 'bad ones' anyway.
And - i'm afraid to fly.
So what am i doing tomorrow ? Flying to Seattle - which means a Toronto to Chicago flight, then a chicago to Seattle flight. Two Take offs, two landings, and a total of 5 hours in the air. Funny thing is - in contrast to most people - its not the takeoffs and landings that bother me - those take place close to the ground. Its being in the air that bothers me. So i've been trying to deal with it for the last 4 months ... doing the rationalizing thing - sometimes i'll find some peace ... then (and this happened yesterday) i'll see a plane go by over head and my heart flies up into my throat. And tomorrow is the day. holy Hell.
I'm going to Seattle for a horror convention - which makes things even worse. I dont want to die in a plane crash because i was going to a fanboy convention, its embarrasing. There's no glory in that at all.
I was going to this thing to just spend a weekend on my own where i could take a ton of photos, offer them to the organizers after in the hopes that they like what i did and have me back the next year. So as luck would have it - my good friend the horror/movie reviewer/writer was recently made the editor of the most well known horror rag in the world. So he asked me to rep the mag while i was there .. so now i'm going as press. I'll be doing interviews, filming the panels, etc.
So it should be kind of fun, right ?
All i can think about is the god damn methiod of transportation. God i hate that feeling of being nervous. Nothing else bothers me. Not confined spaces, not spiders or snakes. I dont believe in ghosts or anything supernatural. I could sleep in a graveyard at midnight on halloween and not be bothered by anything but the dew. I'm not afraid of being punched, rejection, or midgets. I'm not afraid of clowns (i dont like them but i dont fear them. seriously - no one fucking likes clowns - NO ONE - where do these assholes keep coming from ? at least dentists get paid big bank - what the fuck does a clown make ?)
Just flying. I wish i could go back to the mindset i had as a kid .. i was pumped to get on a plane - couldnt wait.
oh well. until next time ....... if there is a next time ..... this is me signing off.
If i have time and survive and anything happens worth mentioning - i'll try to write something about it at night if they havent taken me out drinking like they keep threatening to do.
but if you never hear from me again - then you know what happened - try to remember me fondly.
unless you're a fucking clown - then you can just fuck off.
(i would like to add the disclaimer that i have seen a set where SG Friskey is dressed like a clown - she's the one exception)
later gaters.
I wish I had some advice on the Acrophobia, but alas, I've got nada. Your ordeal sounds painfully familiar, as an almost identical circumstance happened with a group of us while in Alaska for a summer. Fortunately, it wasn't me, but one of my friends, who got stuck. (My "irrational" fear deals with suspension bridges . . . but there is some rationality with this, as other motorists are often busy fucking off & enjoying the views and not looking at the road, in any event, I hates em, but I digress.)
Have a great time at the convention. Seattle is a great city, and it sounds like you'll be totally in your element (once you arrive). You could always go the tried and true route of heavy drinking, both before and during the flight, but I'd hate to think that I've encouraged you to behave in such a deplorable manner. Maybe a doctor could prescribe some anti-anxiety meds just for the flight? Good luck, & keep writing!
Presently, I am looking for a jump higher than 130 feet. I am trying to work my way up to skydiving.