dave_h

[now new and improved! scroll down to the bottom for the readers digest version of this entry]

I've been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with my mandolin.

yes I think about this sorta thing. a lot actually.

basically: what am I doing with it? I quit school for it and I've made, if I do say so myself, outstanding progress. bare in mind I've never ever had a lesson on the damn thing. I've only been writing/playing seriously for a year and seven months. and at this point I have over 40 named songs in various stages of de/compostion. not to mention almost a hundred little riffs/fragments/notes/ideas for future peices. Right now at this very moment and I could play for an hour straight and not make any major mistakes. well maybe a few.

but anyways....

considering that I have over 20 pieces totally memorized and ready to go, and I have never intended any of the songs to be arranged with other instruments, I'd say I'm almost ready to record.

I mean I'm not saying that I'll record an album that'll sell millions of copies and make me famous and stuff cus that's totally not my goal. but I feel like I've got so much material here that I care about and even if no one else cares about it, I feel like I want real quality studio recordings, not the lousy crap that you can download at my website. I just feel like I owe it to myself for all the time and effort I've put into it. I don't want that music to just disappear or to only have those bad mp3's of it out there. I want a piece of art I can be proud of. There is a good chance that this mandolin thing is just a phase and someday I'll quit. I want to have something to prove to myself and everyone else that it was worth it and that I added something of value to the world.

and beyond that I know that there must be people out there who would actually really like my music; just the way it is; simple, solo instumental music. I know that there's got to be people out there who would want to buy it and want to see me perform. every artist wants that recognition and I'm not afraid to admit that I want it too.

And I'm not just fishing for compliments here, I'm really not. I love it when people say they like my stuff, but I know that most of the time they only listen to one or two songs and that they only really like it in a general sorta way, not like they really really like it. Just the same I do love you all (sorta). But I know that most of the people I know wouldn't really pay money to hear me (maybe they would cus they liked me personally, but they wouldn't pay a stranger to play the music I play). I doubt that _I_ would pay money to hear me. acoustic instrumental music just isn't my cup of tea. I do it cus it serves an emotional purpose for me. I can't paint and I can't sing and I hate poetry and this is the only form of art that I can create that's every really had the power to move me emotionally.

anyways, I'm just writing all this mainly for my own benefit, sort of talking to myself via writing to you all.
if you feel like responding, maybe the thing I would most want to hear is which song you like best--which song really stands out to you? Is there anything among the mp3's on my website that you think the world ought to hear.

Or is there anything that I should burn and never play again?

or if you don't know what else to say, just say I'm cute and that you've always wanted to have sex with a mando player. cus afterall, I'm pretty much banking on that skill to get me laid for the next five or so years. I don't have much else to offer.
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at the request of tuffy and for you other lazy people I offer a condensed version: I have insecurities about my music but also a lot of confidence in it. and I feel like I'm at a spot where I need to start doing something more with it and don't quite know what.