So here I am just over 35 days til my 32 birthday. Jobless, vehicleless, spouseless, childless, and on the virge of being homeless for probably the 15-20 time. I honestly stopped keeping track after 12. I’m waiting to find out if I need surgery I can’t afford because I fucked up my shit pretty good. I usually don’t complain about this shit because it’s no one business and I don’t like bringing people down with me emotional baggage and shit. The only reason I’m posting it here is because I know for a fact no one from my offline life is on here. I’m also approaching 3 years of sobriety minus the occasional trip don’t don’t memory lane because let’s face it hallucinogenic‘s are the greatest thing ever created and I prefer the nature ones. I’m continually growing more and more depressed when I realise that I literally have almost nothing anymore. So I keep trying to find a place where k don’t feel alone in the crowd and hating myself more. Please don’t take this as a suicidal confession. Let’s face it I wouldn’t post that on here. I wouldn’t post that anywhere. The people that mattered would be getting their own personal letters in the mail the day of. Yes, I’ve had it planned since I was 12. Sad right, then and I realised I was crazy as in mentally unstable when I was 9. God bless my father letting me read psyche and abnormal psyche when I was 7. Then letting me read criminal psyche and advanced criminal psyche at 9; because those things won’t warp the developing mind. He says laughing like a madman facing the wind. I’m trying to figure my next move life. Be it getting rid of all my shit and run away to some place. Starting over with a new name and never letting anyone in on my past. Maybe just staying where I am and seeing if the misery simply lives in my own mind. Maybe just abandoning my sobriety and running back into the world I lived in for the longest time and loved. Even the music won’t guide me like the trade winds anymore.
