Well Thursday was a weird day. I wasn't at work, so Katrina called to let me know she passed her last real test to become a Mountie. Very exciting! She graduates in 9 days! I get to see her in a week!! I've spent 4.5 days with her since late September. I am totally stoked.
Except 2 hours later I was at the vet to put down Mel (see prior blog). That was devastating. It killed me to do it, but it had to be done. Some may have advised me to find other solutions, but the Vet, herself, lauded me for sticking it out as long as I did. For 10 years he was one of my best friends, WITH all his faults. I loved him for what were, in the first 9 years, merely his quirks. But the bottom line is, he was not adaptable and had very serious mental issues. They were always there, but he'd never been challenged by them like this - a whole new family in his home. He was sick; incurably. Unlike a human, you can't cure an animal of mental issues, because you can't REALLY communicate with them on that level. I was advised by the Vet's assistant, when I made the appointment, that they would try to re-house him. How could they. He was BARELY sociable with me. ME, whom he'd been with for 10 years! He, who doesn't adjust to new things at all; how could he adjust to a new home AND new people. He wouldn't have. I knew this. Re-housing him would have only passed on my troubles to another person or family. How could I do that in good conscience. He would have been even more reclusive to them AND pissed all over their shit. Then THEY, who didn't love him, would have to do the same thing I would have lacked the courage to do: put him down. Well I didn't lack the courage. It sucked, but I did it. And he no longer has to be afraid. I cried. A lot. It totally killed what would have otherwise been a wonderful, glorious day for me and Katrina. We don't begrudge him that. I don't. I loved him. And I would not have let him live in that misery. He'd had no attention from me in weeks. Not because I was angry. I wasn't . He'd made my bed unliveable, and that was the only place he felt comfortable receiving love. He'd come snuggle with me every night when I went to bed. His last weeks sucked for him, more than me.
Except 2 hours later I was at the vet to put down Mel (see prior blog). That was devastating. It killed me to do it, but it had to be done. Some may have advised me to find other solutions, but the Vet, herself, lauded me for sticking it out as long as I did. For 10 years he was one of my best friends, WITH all his faults. I loved him for what were, in the first 9 years, merely his quirks. But the bottom line is, he was not adaptable and had very serious mental issues. They were always there, but he'd never been challenged by them like this - a whole new family in his home. He was sick; incurably. Unlike a human, you can't cure an animal of mental issues, because you can't REALLY communicate with them on that level. I was advised by the Vet's assistant, when I made the appointment, that they would try to re-house him. How could they. He was BARELY sociable with me. ME, whom he'd been with for 10 years! He, who doesn't adjust to new things at all; how could he adjust to a new home AND new people. He wouldn't have. I knew this. Re-housing him would have only passed on my troubles to another person or family. How could I do that in good conscience. He would have been even more reclusive to them AND pissed all over their shit. Then THEY, who didn't love him, would have to do the same thing I would have lacked the courage to do: put him down. Well I didn't lack the courage. It sucked, but I did it. And he no longer has to be afraid. I cried. A lot. It totally killed what would have otherwise been a wonderful, glorious day for me and Katrina. We don't begrudge him that. I don't. I loved him. And I would not have let him live in that misery. He'd had no attention from me in weeks. Not because I was angry. I wasn't . He'd made my bed unliveable, and that was the only place he felt comfortable receiving love. He'd come snuggle with me every night when I went to bed. His last weeks sucked for him, more than me.
canman4pm:
To those, like Nene, who are friends outside of SG and have sent me messages on facebook, thank you. I appreciate your thoughts. It really has meant a lot.
nene:
<3