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cadavre

Seattle/Spokane

Hopeful Since 2009

Followers 3716 Following 135

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3 days and 9 hours

Sep 3, 2019
21
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At the time I slid into the tub with some bathbombs made from left overs for tge shop and market. 3 days and 9 hours til my first set in over a year. As the time ticks by I find myself worrying. This may come off as an attempt at a pity party, or like I'm fishing for compliments here, but I'm not.

I feel I have been a member of this community long enough that I'm allowed to share some realness. I've been part of this community, in varying levels of participation, for over 10 years. Yes, life has changed a lot in those 10 years and I've been here less and less, but I've tried to maintain conversations and not completely drop off. I appreciate those of you have stuck with me that long, through my life adventures and have supported me.

So here's my worry. That theres going to be a lot of negative comments...vecause here's the thing, after surgery 2 years ago, I gained a lot of weight. I'm not comfortable in my skin. I was not what i would consider "shoot ready" when I shot "Said the Spider To the Fly". Hell i barely had time to come up with an idea, plus I didn't have @hemi and @skidtography here as my team to make sure eveyrhing was perfect. But i did have help and I'm mostly happy with the result. It took 2 years to gain that weight and its a long journey to get back...or better. 93 days ago I said "damnit I'm done" got myself some home exercise equipment (just got a new piece this weekend because the first one decided to shit out), and have stuck to getting cardio for at least 30 minutes every morning before I do anything else. I've started eating better, cutting sugar out of my mornings and lunches and am working on it, but have not had much in the way of progress from my view point. Its not about a number, its about how my skin feels and right now I feel like a sack of warm dough.

I guess this is the long way of saying...please be nice when the set comes out. I rushed into shooting it so that i could maintain my presence here (because at the time I could not afford to pay for a membership when my hopeful account ran out). I'm hoping to get to where i feel better and shoot more again in whatever free time I can find.

I'm working full time now and start going back to school (2 courses online to start this quarter) and I feel like I end up having to drive to Seattle for some family thing nearly every other weekend, so I'm not even sure what free time is most of the time. I will be getting to take a break in late October and drive down for a few days in Disneyland, including attending Oogie's Boogie. Im very excited. All the funds from selling bathbombs are going towards that trip.

Speaking of Seattle, when I was there this last Sunday, i got to venture to the Funko shop!

There was a lot I wanted to buy but the budget was tight so nothing came hoke with me, but it was fun! The little cthulhu head on a board in a tucked away corner made me very happy!

Trying to start getting ready for Halloween too!

Well, I guess i will see you all in a few days. Forgive me if i don't reply to every message or comment right away.

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
thebeliever:
Honestly, it could be 50 variations of the preview shot you've shared, and I'd think it was great: You look gorgeous. (What I would give to ever look that gorgeous.) You always bring a lot of style to your shoots, and they're consistently great. So please don't worry!
Sep 4, 2019
big_n3rd:
Personally, I can't wait to see what you have to share!
Sep 4, 2019

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