bcat

I know I know. I SAID I was retarded! But he makes me happy. And I'm moving back to CH in January so I can't make it a long term thing anyway. And after J told me he had been wildly fucking this new girl it turns out he was lying the whole time and now all he wants is to get me back. I might be rebelling a little
Is it totally ridiculous and trite? Maybe... but see my post inprodigalsaint's journal for a better understanding of why I'm crazy about this guy...
how are things in your world?

I always love how considerate and well thought out your posts are. And I agree w/ you on...well... just about everything. I also really appreciate how you kinda see through all my bullshit to the root of the issue. You're absolutely right, I am learning how to be taken care of. I was having dinner with a friend of mine tonight, who was visiting from out of town. She was asking me about fluffyboy and when I had finished talking she just sat there and smiled. She couldn't believe that the same girl who had run from every decent relationship ever was talking about a man this way.
As for your problem. Shit. I have never been in an even slightly similar situation so I certainly can't speak with empathy or from experience. Also, I don't know either one of you or the nature of your relationship so it's quite difficult to make any assumptions. The only advice I can give you is this: Enjoy the ride. That's what I'm learning right now. Is that possible? Can you just truly enjoy the time that you spend with her w/o any expectations or demands? Literally, just enjoying her company? Because it sounds like you see this ending at some point in the not too distant future... and that there is only so much of yourself that you can give her considering your current emotional situation... and you don't want to quit your job. Which leaves you at a bit of an impasse. So that is the only advice I really know. ENJOY her and live fully in the moment, just appreciating what the experience has to offer. Expectations, in my humble opinion, are the downfall of most relationships. Try not to plan or assume. Just experience. And when something specific comes up, try to deal with it with the same perspective... "hey, I'm enjoying this experience but (fill in the blank) so here are my options."
Good luck and feel free to IM me or e-mail me if you want to give me more specifics to work with.