So i have never really been a blog type of girl, but i figure why not try? im 20 years old, i am a math major at a womens college. i have been in a relationship for over three years now. i think that is why im actually going to blog. i am not in love with him anymore, but i havent broken up yet because things are complicated. we have made plans together, and honestly im afraid of change. i still care about him soooo much and love him, im just not IN love with him, and i know it is going to hurt him so bad when i finally have the guts to end it. but i know that i have to, i cant live forever and not be in love with him, i cant marry him or have kids with him and not be in love with him, and it sucks because he is still very much in love with me. who knows what will happen in the future, maybe we were meant to be and if we break up we will get back together, but who knows. then on the other hand of an unhappy relationship with him, i am in a somewhat complicated relationship with another woman. she is so fucking amazing. the only problem is that she mainly identifies as straight, except for being with me, so its not going to be long term. but every day that i spend with her i realize more and more how much i really like her. why is life so complicated?
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knives2meatyou:
I suppose 5 months isn't an eternity (hopefully it won't seem that way) and you don't want to put yourself in an impossible position if he moves out too soon and leaves you holding the entire lease. Have you thought about what you'll do and where you'll go in 5 months? I think you ought to have all that worked out ahead of time so you don't end up in a bad situation when the time comes (the last thing you want to do is extend this any longer). I'm glad I was of some help in the sense that you and I see this mess the same way and I confirmed your feelings on it. Love is so hard to figure out and so many times people commit and then wish they hadn't. You'll be ok, of course, but it will probably not be the happiest 5 months of your life up ahead. You always have your blog (and you can always message me) if/when you need an outlet.
aratinga:
yeah, so i really took your comment that a heart attack is better than cancer to heart, and i broke up with him last thursday. it felt so good, i knew it was the right decision, which was something i was really afraid of. he is a total mess, he threatened suicide so i called the police and he was sent to a hospital for a 72-hour suicide watch. and that has been extremely hard for him. i am keeping the apartment and our bird, which were two things i really wanted to keep. i have talked to hima few times and he wants to remain friends and actually understands that people change, which i was really surprised and happy to hear from him. it definitely feels amazing to be single again, since i havent been able to say that for quite a few years now. thanks for imput, its really amazing how the advice of a stranger is sometimes what you really need.