can't sleep... ran out of sleeping pills... fuck... my mind is a overactive generator of thoughts... spectator of my own memories.... i keep thinking of my childhood tonight for some odd reason, heh, i was such a strange child... so energetic, immature, wound up, directionless, couldn't function around other kids, i had little to no childhood friends.... it was beautiful.... now here i am, sitting in this aging flesh, bright eyes dulled with paper work, can't play.... i need to finish this mathematical model for international finance...ugh. what happened to me? sorry little jeremy, remember when you were young and sneaked out of your house to go swimming in the river in your backyard at night in northern california? ah! you almost drowned! lucky you found a large chunk of grey earth to grab in time.... later that river had a diesel spill, polluted water with thousands of dead fish floating on river surface down south... family moved north to oregon, health hazard to live in Dunsmir,CA at that time...... friends tell when they go trainhopping how cool the town is.... i remember it differently though..... I miss my river tonight.... i wish i could sneak out and swim with the dead fish down south into the sewage..... everything pure eventually gets contaminated.... if you don't believe me, look in the mirror....