so much knowledge i have yet i don't fucking understand anything. i'm so tired. i wish people would could through for me for once, i'm tired of giving and investing in people and having them let me down. i haven't received anything from anyone in so long. and people wonder why i'm so fucking crazy. got sucked into the big nothing with my trust in people ripped apart. people always hurt me first, and afterwards all i want to do is hurt them back to the point of destruction, cause i never hurt anyone first, always the quiet, thoughtful, and caring one i am, and then they turn around and hurt me, and then it's all fair game. always be good to me and i'll always be good to you, hurt me, lie to me, betray me, and i'll want to fucking rip your eyes out. and in the end i'll always come out looking like the asshole; isn't life funny? fucking sick of everyone.
the only predictable and familar thing or feeling is loneliness.
i'm starting to wish that i hadn't called the ambulance when i overdosed on those pills. i wonder where i would be now, what i would be feeling. would i be sucked into another big empty? would it be any worse than here and now?
the only predictable and familar thing or feeling is loneliness.
i'm starting to wish that i hadn't called the ambulance when i overdosed on those pills. i wonder where i would be now, what i would be feeling. would i be sucked into another big empty? would it be any worse than here and now?
lily:
no, i believe they sent your book back because they said it was "obscene" material. its the thought that counts, maybe you could send it to me in brooklyn, or where ever i end up.