al

Last night I was rambling on at a party (it was towards the end) ... well, I was talking to Fried and I said, "do you have a vision? I mean..." and I stopped, but eventually said what I was going to, "do you have a vision? Not vision, I know you can see me, A vision...?" and I felt so retarded. It sparked the rambling. There are some people who really like me, like my boy, but I wonder how exactly this happened. It seems all that comes out of my mouth is crap like that I said to Fried. What did I say and how did I act to get people to be interested long enough to get to know me? Where is the eloquent and expressive girl who they must have met? I just feel like I haven't said a worthwhile thing in months. Words escape me and I can't express myself clearly. All I ever end up coming out with is stuff like, "my ass looks so huge in these pants!" and no one wants to hear that.

I never know when I'm conversing well. People rarely give feedback, and when they do it's two weeks later and it's, "I really liked that conversation we had" and I can never quite remember how I acted. I never know what I'm doing right.

Well, the cat thinks I'm pretty cool.