Tonight it's a lyric by Yellowcard from there song Back Home
Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years
A friend of mine made a comment the other day about everyone always saying they will be there for you but as soon as you say your depressed and need help everyone runs away. I'm not sure whats worse, the fact that my first thought was "At least you can ask for help" or the fact that I didn't say anything beyond "Not all of us run away".
I'll admit to having a minor case of depression. It's not something that cripples me in anyway that I can see but when my insomnia is keeping me up at night and I'm laying in the dark its hard not to feel it creeping in. I try to channel it constructively into my poetry when I can (I will put one of those at the end of this) but sometimes there's nothing to do but put that happy mask on and put one foot in front of the other. Being single is kind of a double edged sword for this one. On the one hand being lonely doesn't help the situation. Struggling to make a connection with someone sometimes will leave me feeling like I'm just not good enough or that I won't find someone. But on the other hand my ex made me miserable and was constantly making me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I guess I should bring my rambling to an end here. I guess my point of this is just to say that we all struggle sometimes and we just need to keep trying our best to smile and be happy. Keep doing the things we love and that make us happy. We all have our moments of self doubt but every day we don't let those moments take over our lives is a win.
The optimist has the heaviest heart,
Though he hides it from the world.
That smile holds him together,
Projects a confident facade.
On the outside his eyes smile deceptively,
Inside a tear rolls slowly down his cheek.
It's a guise he can't remove,
Praying it sinks past skin deep.