_dallas_

you need to know the truth of me. of it all. i have read your future through my dreams. i have seen what is to come of you. i know where your life will lead. and i know you have changed it. for the better. you have straightened your path. but i tell you this as a warning. as a friend. listen to my words...
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apparently honesty is not the best policy.

i told my boss last week that i will be moving in seven weeks to california. he decided it would be cheaper to fire me now.

gg.
















...could my life be any more shit?! i mean, really now....

you really don't know a good thing when you have it. then when it's gone.... you're just fucked.

i have been so lonely and so bored since i got home from burying grandpa a week ago. and all that i want to do is go downstairs to his apartment and sit on his couch. enjoying a casual conversation and just his company in general. we...
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my family insisted that i speak at the burial. they loved what i wrote and i brought tears to everyone. not the greatest feeling in the world, but im glad they were able to feel my pain through my words. here is what i wrote. they said he would have been so proud.:


'A friend recently told me, "When I die, I can only hope...
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why would you kick the poor girl once she is already down. toes to chest. breaking her heart. she needed you now. more than ever. she needed your words. your warmth. your comfort. she needed someone, anyone, to show her they cared. that she was still worth a damn. all she had loved was lost. all she had cared for had slipped through life's grasp...
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my grandfather died this morning. its frightening waking up to your mother screaming. running down the stairs in a panic. seeing his cold, blue, dead corpse. laying in your house. and you know hes too far gone. he had been there for an hour at the least. it was a stroke. or a heart attack. how can you just sit there and watch your father...
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sitting. thinking. so anxious. so eager. waiting to hear his voice. wanting to feel his lips graze against mine, his hands pressed on my back. his eyes, so naked, bearing his heart and soul, gazing back at me. never wanting this feeling to end. to leave me so isolated. so alone. so cold. so scared of the truth that is to come. unable to avoid...
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this afternoon was weird. my dad went from literally choking me and trying to kill me, to somehow regretting the way hes treated me for the past 21 years and and opening up to me. for the first time in my life he hugged me and said i love you. i was even able to show him all of my tattoos without him getting mad....
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so lonely, so sad, so empty, so fragile, so broken, so down. you dont even know this pain i endure. you dont know how regretful, how contrite, i feel. how guilty and depressed. too late, too far gone, too much to take in.

i hope you know i loved you. i always have, always will. i hope you know that even though i wasnt there,...
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i should have known you were like the rest. a fake. another fucking heart breaker. one who wants and always gets. one who will never give. you selfish, stubborn ass. i should have been ready for this. i should have anticipated the worst. but you know me. you knew i would wait for you. i will always wait. my patience is never that of a...
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