11 days, no heroin.
does that mean I might be winning the fight?
I think that I am in this really confused part of the drama right now.. I miss Kat badly, yet I am now aware enough to know that she isn't coming back, ever.
I am awake enough to know that she never actually loved me.. 'cause you don't just drop those you...
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does that mean I might be winning the fight?
I think that I am in this really confused part of the drama right now.. I miss Kat badly, yet I am now aware enough to know that she isn't coming back, ever.
I am awake enough to know that she never actually loved me.. 'cause you don't just drop those you...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
yeah.. coming back.
Today was given to the MI Rennfest. No new events, and none of any mention here.
Still, today was one of contentment. I was half expecting to see Kathleen.
I am sure that she feels WAAAY too good for rennies now.
I went really cute. makeup and all.
and nobody made a move. I could be curious about feeling genuine, pure desire....
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Today was given to the MI Rennfest. No new events, and none of any mention here.
Still, today was one of contentment. I was half expecting to see Kathleen.
I am sure that she feels WAAAY too good for rennies now.
I went really cute. makeup and all.
and nobody made a move. I could be curious about feeling genuine, pure desire....
Read More
jia:
mew. experiences much too familiar. Reading your journal throws me back into my own stretch of memory lane. treacherous. ..the weight does lift... usually later rather than sooner.
And I doubt that you are unwanted.
with your interests and aesthetics.
And I doubt that you are unwanted.
with your interests and aesthetics.
Last night in my dream, I was a robot, built by the Roman gods to dance for them, as a form of sexual entertainment. I was built to move perfectly, in a way that I cannot relate in words. To the pantheon, I was beloved.
interpretations?
Today I woke with my mind running only at half speed, like I was drugged or something.
Though with...
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interpretations?
Today I woke with my mind running only at half speed, like I was drugged or something.
Though with...
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cutthekidinhalf:
this world is ugly,,that is all,,,,
jia:
Beautiful indeed.
white hair is lovely. but not likely for little asian girls like me.
i hope you are doing better.
and i bet you are a wonderful form of sexual entertainment.
meow.
white hair is lovely. but not likely for little asian girls like me.
i hope you are doing better.
and i bet you are a wonderful form of sexual entertainment.
meow.
It is 4:30am, precisely, as I write this.
A billion things move through my shallow, furrowed mind and then die.
I am kept awake by a ill that I know you cannot understand, though I pray that you could, and that you could touch me through everything it brings
No heroin today.. not even a drop. nothing.
the myelin at my nerves is singing a...
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A billion things move through my shallow, furrowed mind and then die.
I am kept awake by a ill that I know you cannot understand, though I pray that you could, and that you could touch me through everything it brings
No heroin today.. not even a drop. nothing.
the myelin at my nerves is singing a...
Read More
jia:
eep. at least you can still feel.
Right now, feels sort of,, well... good.
I am working on a big batch of files for a client, while watching "Solaris" on my Mac.
I am relaxed.. I am glad to have work..
I have some great big plans.
Maybe soon depression will be back inside me..
for now, i am good.
I am working on a big batch of files for a client, while watching "Solaris" on my Mac.
I am relaxed.. I am glad to have work..
I have some great big plans.
Maybe soon depression will be back inside me..
for now, i am good.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
jia:
that is wonderful indeed. i hope the dark doesn't seep back in too soon. tis the time where all things fall into place.
saturn1:
good to know that you're alive and well
tonight, through a lengthy, self completing monologue concerning the ardours and terrors of my past five years, I learned something of myself.
something that needed to be said aloud,
something that will, forever, change why I am.
in my raving, i told you a secret about me, something that no one existing knows. I revealed a thought that would give you the key to understanding...
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something that needed to be said aloud,
something that will, forever, change why I am.
in my raving, i told you a secret about me, something that no one existing knows. I revealed a thought that would give you the key to understanding...
Read More
saturn1:
you are because of what you allow yourself to be
you are gone away
though we could be coiled together
infuriating a jealous moon
that has watched so many empassioned secrets
though we could be coiled together
infuriating a jealous moon
that has watched so many empassioned secrets
i dont even know how to describe my past week.... hell on earth comes sort of close.
aside from an unquenchable depression, i have managed to destroy the front end of my car in a 70 mph freeway collision.
i feel empty and weak and drained, like I no longer have anything supporting me.
there is something here that I am missing. And it really...
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aside from an unquenchable depression, i have managed to destroy the front end of my car in a 70 mph freeway collision.
i feel empty and weak and drained, like I no longer have anything supporting me.
there is something here that I am missing. And it really...
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jia:
i totaled my car a month and a half ago at sixty five miles an hour, i should be dead. i'm glad you aren't. tis shitty. i hope you find what you are looking for. meow.
So, I am at this unique and critical point, i think.
I have spent the past few months pushing people away and losing myself to the slavery of my addiction. I have been totally subdued and defeated by the stress of my massive responsibilities and my savage lonliness and my self destructive obligation to please those in my life who have asserted some position of...
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I have spent the past few months pushing people away and losing myself to the slavery of my addiction. I have been totally subdued and defeated by the stress of my massive responsibilities and my savage lonliness and my self destructive obligation to please those in my life who have asserted some position of...
Read More
jia:
good luck prettykins. i dated a person for more than four years. it trashed me. and i think i've also been the girl...that wanted so much to be with that guy that wasn't ready. the guy that didn't want me. it will tear anyone up. a million ways. it took me a very very very long time to pull myself out of my self-loathing ick. i hope you find your star.
mc_escher:
scary how fast pain can become an identity, and drugs can become naked death. i keep a watchful eye on both now.
go to SF. heal you up good. good luck on your journey.
peace
go to SF. heal you up good. good luck on your journey.
peace
M, could you be any mor eout of line??
christ. what will it take?
christ. what will it take?
dolorian:
i hope everything is ok...
jia:
wow. you are very pretty pretty...and you have great taste in media.
i have rediscovered my geometries. yay.
"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a...
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"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a...
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saturn1:
i miss my boy that used to tuck me into bed and make me laugh
ok, so this whole "loving an asshole" thing isnt working.
you blow me off, pretend it isnt a big deal, then call me from some bar (at the time when we had plans) and ask me idiotic questions about other men while you are drunken into idiocy. fuck.
my heart has belonged to your sorry ass for way too long. have you ever treated anyone...
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you blow me off, pretend it isnt a big deal, then call me from some bar (at the time when we had plans) and ask me idiotic questions about other men while you are drunken into idiocy. fuck.
my heart has belonged to your sorry ass for way too long. have you ever treated anyone...
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trinket:
Ouch.
You don't know me at all, so I know you could really give a rat's ass about any comments I could make, but, damn.
I sympathize.
You don't know me at all, so I know you could really give a rat's ass about any comments I could make, but, damn.
I sympathize.
so i was sad not to meet you over kira's house saturday. it was a good time...but then anything is good for me...ohio is so fucking boring.
feel better doll.