Morgan has spent the last year doing anything she could to create a permanent, monogomous relationship with me.
Ive resisted, for a thousand reasons... my sickness, my depression, my longing for another.
But, not so recently she convinced me to give it a bit of a whirl, or whatever.
She was free to run all over town, letting all the scenesters know I was her...
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Ive resisted, for a thousand reasons... my sickness, my depression, my longing for another.
But, not so recently she convinced me to give it a bit of a whirl, or whatever.
She was free to run all over town, letting all the scenesters know I was her...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
cutthekidinhalf:
oh wow,, YOu really don't deserve this BS....
saturn1:
well, i tried to be a friend and understand but it never felt appreciated. you , as all people do, create your life. it's all your choice.
I've decided to just do this thing.
Slowly at first... lower the methadone.
The methadone makes me into someone that I am not. Someone that I hate. Someone that you all hate.
It destroys me... so I have declared war. Please, think of it as me being away at war... slowly ridding myself of this hideous toxin.
When I am free, I will come find...
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Slowly at first... lower the methadone.
The methadone makes me into someone that I am not. Someone that I hate. Someone that you all hate.
It destroys me... so I have declared war. Please, think of it as me being away at war... slowly ridding myself of this hideous toxin.
When I am free, I will come find...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
tatum:
*hugs* I'm really glad to hear that you're doing better!
adeline:
Are you at war by yourself or do you have fellow soldiers that are helping you? Whatever the case I really hope that you get through this battle and come out so much stronger...and happier. 
I can't get my head straigt.
Things here are bad, really bad.
Maybe it is the revenge of materialism, Im not sure.
First, my 20gb Mp3 player exploded (literallly, it exploded) when i plugged in the power adapter to my car. You see, it was an after market adapter, and it had been accidentally set a few volts too high...
200 dollars destryoed.
Then, On...
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Things here are bad, really bad.
Maybe it is the revenge of materialism, Im not sure.
First, my 20gb Mp3 player exploded (literallly, it exploded) when i plugged in the power adapter to my car. You see, it was an after market adapter, and it had been accidentally set a few volts too high...
200 dollars destryoed.
Then, On...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
vassago:
(X-post, sort of...)
Yeah. Avalon is as correct as it gets. I know for sure that a lesson is sitting over me... not only that but a bigger reason for last weekend, too.
Unfortunately, I did go get some shit that night. It was self hatred and defeat hard at work.
Since then, Ive tried to "step back" as you would say..
Seeing a mess for what it is can be horrifying, right down to your silly little nightmares.
The accident was bigger than a car crash. It was a symbol, it was my life in nutshell. The way out of this is way, way too big....
...ever climbed over Everest?
Yeah. Avalon is as correct as it gets. I know for sure that a lesson is sitting over me... not only that but a bigger reason for last weekend, too.
Unfortunately, I did go get some shit that night. It was self hatred and defeat hard at work.
Since then, Ive tried to "step back" as you would say..
Seeing a mess for what it is can be horrifying, right down to your silly little nightmares.
The accident was bigger than a car crash. It was a symbol, it was my life in nutshell. The way out of this is way, way too big....
...ever climbed over Everest?
adeline:
I've climbed over Everest a few times, I fell on the way up though more then once..however each time I had to start over I took a little more of what I've experienced and learned with me on the way up..then, once you get on top you can see everything so much clearer and you can also help the rest trying to still climb up to the top. I'm just waiting to fall again though cause thats the ironic beauty of life..I'll save a place for you at the top.
[Edited on Feb 20, 2004 1:53AM]
[Edited on Feb 20, 2004 1:53AM]
"Saturn's" birthday today.
my love is 27.. she thinks she is old..
Id like to see her.
Things used to be really good with all of my friends. I didn't know that at the time... I miss Kat, Starli, Heather, Rick, the Clan..
Losing my friends has crushed me, and it makes me feel old.
I wish I could do something to get back there......
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my love is 27.. she thinks she is old..
Id like to see her.
Things used to be really good with all of my friends. I didn't know that at the time... I miss Kat, Starli, Heather, Rick, the Clan..
Losing my friends has crushed me, and it makes me feel old.
I wish I could do something to get back there......
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
mistressmissy:
*gasp* twoII is on your friends list? dont tell me he got to meet you and i didnt!!! *pout pout pout*
i wish i couldve gone with everyone to detroit...but alas im poor.
i wish i couldve gone with everyone to detroit...but alas im poor.
adeline:
It was great meeting you!!
I completely understand the whole losing touch with your friends comment..it's usually my fault though cause I drift away from them..for a new taste in my mouth cause it all gets stale so quickly for me..I'm a junkie for life.
I completely understand the whole losing touch with your friends comment..it's usually my fault though cause I drift away from them..for a new taste in my mouth cause it all gets stale so quickly for me..I'm a junkie for life.
"... I choose to live."
I wish for all of you, a better solar revolution this time around.
No more 2003's, ok?
ok. tonight.
Tonight was a glaring dissapointment.
Several (seven or so) of 'us' gathered at my loft to group up and make plans for the evening.
It was decided, Panacea, and then The Studio.
Panacea was a 15$ hell. Booty music for five...
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I wish for all of you, a better solar revolution this time around.
No more 2003's, ok?
ok. tonight.
Tonight was a glaring dissapointment.
Several (seven or so) of 'us' gathered at my loft to group up and make plans for the evening.
It was decided, Panacea, and then The Studio.
Panacea was a 15$ hell. Booty music for five...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
caffeineheadache:
ok ok.....as long as I have common ground with someone somewhere.
isthatallthereis:
I fucking love you because you have Freddie Got Fingered as one of you favorite movies...that's great!!!!!!!!!!
went to CC tonight.
It fucking sucked.
I am less like anyone else by the passing day...
them: drink, snort, drink, vomit, screw, vomit, sleep...
me: think, cry, starve, sleep.
nothing reaches me anymore.. noone at all. It's like i am floating in space, a creature of my own right.
I can't help it. I have become what I have become. The funny result of...
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It fucking sucked.
I am less like anyone else by the passing day...
them: drink, snort, drink, vomit, screw, vomit, sleep...
me: think, cry, starve, sleep.
nothing reaches me anymore.. noone at all. It's like i am floating in space, a creature of my own right.
I can't help it. I have become what I have become. The funny result of...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
mykra:
Them: Dumbasses who will end up slaves to an evil conglomarate whore.
You: Interesting.
Happy Hide-from-those-that-blood-bonds-me-to-day.
Swoo
You: Interesting.
Happy Hide-from-those-that-blood-bonds-me-to-day.
Swoo
cutthekidinhalf:
Merry christman and happy new year,,
Perhaps you can smile for me~~?
-r
Perhaps you can smile for me~~?
-r
I just had a dream. A giant, emotionally conquering sort of dream. The sort of dream that I will never, ever forget.
In this dream "I" went away to some sort of hostile or something, but it had a definite purpose A purpose I am still not aware of, I even remember being a little oblivious in the dream.
I was not alone, dozens of...
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In this dream "I" went away to some sort of hostile or something, but it had a definite purpose A purpose I am still not aware of, I even remember being a little oblivious in the dream.
I was not alone, dozens of...
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mistressmissy:
awee that is one strange dream darlin. i wish i had some insight on it but alas im stumped.
and umm delete?
and umm delete?
some of you are far too beautiful for words.
The "green fairy" is ready. If interested in some, contact me privately.. fior@oxea.net
The "green fairy" is ready. If interested in some, contact me privately.. fior@oxea.net
saturn1:
i left messages
I have started taking these high-potency Caffeine/Ephedrine/Tyrasine pills. I sort of need to shed a few pounds and I am blending these pills with excersize. No more ugly fatass me. Still, it is after 2am and I am completely wired. I have taken some dyphenhydramine HcL to help combat the restlessness and maybe get a little sleep.
I made a decision four days ago. I...
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I made a decision four days ago. I...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vassago:
i know it does.
cutthekidinhalf:
hmm fatass you? you are like very slim..dear...
time to wake up?
yes, indeed it is, See you then.
yes, indeed it is, See you then.
saturn1:
when you wake up?
would like to mention a few cds that have been released recently. They haven't had a lot of press or anything... but I really like these bands so I feel it wise to mention them.
A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
Live: Birds of pray
Tricky: Vulnerable
Judging by my list of Bands.. does anyone know of any other recent releases?
Sadly, I have been out...
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A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
Live: Birds of pray
Tricky: Vulnerable
Judging by my list of Bands.. does anyone know of any other recent releases?
Sadly, I have been out...
Read More
jia:
the seasons..the seasons..they are changing. things are dying. winter is always a good time to piece things back together. some things cannot be mended..some things craZy glued. it's super crazy with the capital Z, and other things sewn back on. hearts sold separately.
decay...rebirth.
memory lane is trecherous.
don't fuck with the progression.
decay...rebirth.
memory lane is trecherous.
don't fuck with the progression.
I I.M'd with Stephanie tonight.
She is the first girl that I fell in love with.
I miss her, really badly.
Not that I want her back.. I just wish she could be close to me.
She can't.. only further away. Life is a painful little thing.
Kat was second.
She is the first girl that I fell in love with.
I miss her, really badly.
Not that I want her back.. I just wish she could be close to me.
She can't.. only further away. Life is a painful little thing.
Kat was second.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mistressmissy:
i know what you mean. i dont want chris back...but i do miss having him around. yeah.
life is annoying.
life is annoying.
vassago:
I would like to mention a few cds that have been released recently. They haven't had a lot of press or anything... but I really like these bands so I feel it wise to mention them.
A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
Live: Birds of pray
Tricky: Vulnerable
Judging by my list of Bands.. does anyone know of any other recent releases?
Sadly, I have been out of touch with with a lot of things lately.. after all, Ive spent the last six months on my bathroom floor with a needle in my arm. With all of that 'behind' me, I would like to do a little catching up.
In the shadow of my little "vacation" from reality, Ive been brought to understand some things about my life. For instance, when things got difficult, the people that I loved and trusted the most bolted. The fact is, I have few people to look for for comfort right now.. and after endless nights of bleeding and begging, I am finally at grips with being alone. I have had to fully accept that I am not to be understood.. people dont want to understand, and that is alright, I cannot make them anyway.
So, facts given, I am all alone now. This is the first time since high school that I have felt like this.. completely disconnected from the rest of my human world. Unwanted by another soul in my human world. Still.. can't be angry at you for not wanting.. you have free will.
No, cannot be angry.
The pain of the girl walking away might be subsiding, maybe. I mean, I still see something that reminds me of her, and I might cry... and I still may dream at occassion, but I am over it... for the most part. (" I choose to live" )
Paying attention to others now.. it has been weird.. looking around at you to see if I might connect or find comfort with something under your skin... but I am finding myself more scared than anything. My shattered self esteem and hollowed ego aren't enough to maintain eye contact with any new girl..
And then there is your interest, a seriously important factor.. because it is absent. It seems that you can tell from the inception that that there isn't any chance to understand me, so with a glance I am dismissed. Maybe that or I have just become profoundly ugly, either way I am now an isolated satellite.
I can accept it all. Im not sure anyone else could hear the things that I have to tell, and I can tell that noone sees me in the first place. To you, I am just scarrs or a junkie or a whore or nothing. But, it's cool. I am what I have raised myself into. I like what I have been, and I treasure what I have learned. I am.
Anyhow, here I am, waiting. Again lonely for someone that may not exist. Some little fae that is as much a shining star as she is a mirror for my existence. I ask, would i even know you if you were here, or would my illness keep me blind to you?
I might assume that you know who and where you are.
A Perfect Circle: Thirteenth Step
Live: Birds of pray
Tricky: Vulnerable
Judging by my list of Bands.. does anyone know of any other recent releases?
Sadly, I have been out of touch with with a lot of things lately.. after all, Ive spent the last six months on my bathroom floor with a needle in my arm. With all of that 'behind' me, I would like to do a little catching up.
In the shadow of my little "vacation" from reality, Ive been brought to understand some things about my life. For instance, when things got difficult, the people that I loved and trusted the most bolted. The fact is, I have few people to look for for comfort right now.. and after endless nights of bleeding and begging, I am finally at grips with being alone. I have had to fully accept that I am not to be understood.. people dont want to understand, and that is alright, I cannot make them anyway.
So, facts given, I am all alone now. This is the first time since high school that I have felt like this.. completely disconnected from the rest of my human world. Unwanted by another soul in my human world. Still.. can't be angry at you for not wanting.. you have free will.
No, cannot be angry.
The pain of the girl walking away might be subsiding, maybe. I mean, I still see something that reminds me of her, and I might cry... and I still may dream at occassion, but I am over it... for the most part. (" I choose to live" )
Paying attention to others now.. it has been weird.. looking around at you to see if I might connect or find comfort with something under your skin... but I am finding myself more scared than anything. My shattered self esteem and hollowed ego aren't enough to maintain eye contact with any new girl..
And then there is your interest, a seriously important factor.. because it is absent. It seems that you can tell from the inception that that there isn't any chance to understand me, so with a glance I am dismissed. Maybe that or I have just become profoundly ugly, either way I am now an isolated satellite.
I can accept it all. Im not sure anyone else could hear the things that I have to tell, and I can tell that noone sees me in the first place. To you, I am just scarrs or a junkie or a whore or nothing. But, it's cool. I am what I have raised myself into. I like what I have been, and I treasure what I have learned. I am.
Anyhow, here I am, waiting. Again lonely for someone that may not exist. Some little fae that is as much a shining star as she is a mirror for my existence. I ask, would i even know you if you were here, or would my illness keep me blind to you?
I might assume that you know who and where you are.