I am weak! I just can't do it. This place had been a massive part of my life for almost four years. Hiding does little, the battle is in my head and not here. It has nothing to do with people I know, or who I care for. There is no heartbreak to avoid, because it's not there, all I have in it's place is...
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Forget what I said earlier.
I had a long talk with SOS earlier. I understand why my transgression was so big. She was right, this is not my home, and I was only staying here because of her, which was a mistake to begin with -- completely contrary to the purpose of my move abroad. Now that we have fallen out I am going to...
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I had a long talk with SOS earlier. I understand why my transgression was so big. She was right, this is not my home, and I was only staying here because of her, which was a mistake to begin with -- completely contrary to the purpose of my move abroad. Now that we have fallen out I am going to...
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dinah:
Oops...I read SO instead of SOS. heh...
At least you're having a good time. I'm happy for you. You are on a grande adventure, and the down sides have to be there to hold up the up sides, no?
At least you're having a good time. I'm happy for you. You are on a grande adventure, and the down sides have to be there to hold up the up sides, no?
dinah:
And only you can fix that. 
nighty night.
<---not a laugh, but a very big yawn
It's 4:30 a.m. here. I need some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's
nighty night.
<---not a laugh, but a very big yawn
It's 4:30 a.m. here. I need some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's
Seems I am blogging at record soeed as of late.
I feel light, it all seems comedic now. It's time to live in England, really live. Bubbles are bad for all involved.
I've been thinking about my Saturn Return a lot lately. Life has kicked me in the ass and shouted at me to be a man. I've been forced to look my weakest points...
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I feel light, it all seems comedic now. It's time to live in England, really live. Bubbles are bad for all involved.
I've been thinking about my Saturn Return a lot lately. Life has kicked me in the ass and shouted at me to be a man. I've been forced to look my weakest points...
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_biblia_:
I've been forced to look my weakest points squarely, watching in objective horror as I betray my better judgement again and again
it is so utterly painful, yet such a euphoric rush when you're able to acknowledge them.
thanks again for the advice recently. really woke me up.
here's to feeling light. . . . .
i found myself skipping the other day. i had to stop and laugh.
And the shame rolls on. I mean no harm, I never do. Things just always seem to go wrong, despite all my good intentions.
cosmia:
I hate when you go all cryptic x
fancyd:
Dude....go sit outside right now and remove everything from your mind!!
Writing like this just compounds...go for a late night walk.....chill my friend!
I know all about how you feel...sometimes words don't work.
Go outside and fall in love with something that won't break you.
Writing like this just compounds...go for a late night walk.....chill my friend!
I know all about how you feel...sometimes words don't work.
Go outside and fall in love with something that won't break you.
I'm not sure how it happened, but it happened incrimentally as these things do. A dash of old family shame mixed with lonliness and fear plus a dash of misplaced obsession. Somehow I am in a masively unhealthy place, I feel a bit like I did two years ago, when my entire life changed, when I Ieft her and I almost lost it. This has...
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ms_magdalena:
You should give me a call.
1-763-370-1191
Even if it's to give me a number to call you back at, as it's cheaper for me to call overseas.
Do it.
1-763-370-1191
Even if it's to give me a number to call you back at, as it's cheaper for me to call overseas.
Do it.
ortus:
Take some time dude. Clear your mind.
I have a job!!!
mamafirefly:
WOOOOO-HOOOO! Congratulations! 
Fog in the head. Sleep required. I'll return to humanity tomorrow.
Good times. That's all.
Good times. That's all.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ortus:
Pleased you made it back in one piece.
I am expecting yarns to be spun, adventures to unravel, and more car-crashesque pics of you and Kelly to be revealed. Don't be letting me down now.
I am expecting yarns to be spun, adventures to unravel, and more car-crashesque pics of you and Kelly to be revealed. Don't be letting me down now.
gigondas:
Robert says hello.
How's the coffe over there? How was the champagne?
Definitely sounds like good times.
How's the coffe over there? How was the champagne?
Definitely sounds like good times.
This weekend...
SilverRevolver and KellyMonster vs. The Dutch
We are going to kick so much ass with nothig but razer sharp emotion and adamantium toenails.
See you all sunday!
SilverRevolver and KellyMonster vs. The Dutch
We are going to kick so much ass with nothig but razer sharp emotion and adamantium toenails.
See you all sunday!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
_biblia_:
oops, too late.
i'm using all this excess brain activity to write something i've put off way too long.
i'm using all this excess brain activity to write something i've put off way too long.
brightredscream:
I hope that you're having an incredible time 
The sun is out, I'm on to some cash kitchen work, so hopefully that pans out. Time to actually start to act like I live here, as opposed to just visiting. Friendships must be developed, as I have until this point placed myself in a bubble in the corner (and we all know what happens to bubbles).
My head hurts, how many beers did I...
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My head hurts, how many beers did I...
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dinah:
Can I run away with you to Amsterdam?
Both of our heads hurt. Maybe we collided in a different dimension.
ouch.
Both of our heads hurt. Maybe we collided in a different dimension.
ouch.
dinah:
I will dream of it then. Goodnight.
Seriously, it's not as bad as all that. Thanks everyone.
I'm just being overly dramatic.
I'm just being overly dramatic.
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cosmia:
Oh, good. Phew. x
I made a mistake, a big mistake.
I don't have the money to leave.
I don't have the money to leave.
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scheisskopf:
What happened?
What happened?
frolleinsuzy:
This sounds bad...
Things on the up and up.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but Summer always steals my writer's balls. I'm sure I'll be back to my usual deep and morose self next time it rains (probablly tommorow). The weather is beatiful, Devon was lovely and my cousin's children are two of the most amazing creatures I have met, so sharp and calm. Play...
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I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but Summer always steals my writer's balls. I'm sure I'll be back to my usual deep and morose self next time it rains (probablly tommorow
). The weather is beatiful, Devon was lovely and my cousin's children are two of the most amazing creatures I have met, so sharp and calm. Play... Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
mrschainsaw:
So glad to hear you're doing well
mrschainsaw:
Nope, I don't have any immediate wedding plans
My original name which I have had for YEARS (stellar) is being used by someone else and I can't have it anymore....so on a whim came Mrs. Chainsaw!
I look forward to the pictures
My original name which I have had for YEARS (stellar) is being used by someone else and I can't have it anymore....so on a whim came Mrs. Chainsaw!
I look forward to the pictures
I'm broke. There's a good job waiting for me back home and the Christmas season is very profitable. I can save money for my imminent return in the spring.
Grape picking sounds fun. If I am around still, I'll bw working the crush for Et Fille winery in the Valley. They only produce eighty cases of Pinot Noir and it's yumminess.