mandalic

I was a t-shirt and jeans, Wal-Mart and Rose's kid. Hand me downs from my sisters were usually too worn out, but I wore them, anyway. I was made fun of for being the "dirty" kid because it was obvious I didn't have many clothes, and some were stained from regular wear (even though they were clean). I didn't really know how to put on makeup until the end of high school, but rarely wore it. My sisters used to comfort me by telling me that when I got to college everyone wore jeans and t-shirts and rarely wore makeup, and that I was just ahead of everyone. Fast-forward to UNC and everyone wears cute little mini skirts and perfect makeup on their perfect skin. And here I am: doughy, wearing t-shirts and jeans, my frizzy hair drawing all the wrong kinds of attention.

It's hard to stay confident... especially when you know that even though your boyfriend loves you, sometimes he might rather imagine screwing one of the hot little sorostitutes than actually screwing you. (This is my own, personal experience) So, I know what you mean, and I'm sorry...

I've dated somebody who thought I was gorgeous, and never really looked at any other women... he was kind, and sweet, and did nice things for me. But I didn't love him. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't. I just have to remind myself that I am awesome, even if I don't always look it. And that I am totally hot, I just don't work as hard for it, mostly because it doesn't matter that much to me. (Except in certain situations.) And I have seen you looking hot, seriously, so no worries there.

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I know what you mean. It sucks when we feel that way, but we clean up nice when we feel like it/can afford it. As far as makeup goes, I've found that a lightweight foundation that doubles as sunscreen with an eyeshadow shade that brings out your eyes and a lipstick that just barely shows off your lips is all you need. As opposed to having fifty different eye shadows and lipsticks, etc. Maybe darker shades of the same colors for when you're dressing up. That way, you don't have to buy a ton of makeup, and the makeup you have will go with anything, because it's matched to your face, not your wardrobe. I know that sounded like an article out of some teen magazine, but when I discovered that tip, it made makeup much more accessible to me. I was able to afford the pricier stuff because I didn't need that much. I still barely wear it.

I also have felt my share of hate towards effortlessly/naturally pretty girls. Now, I just hate straight conformist pretty girls...cause they're mostly bitches who have nothing useful to offer. I was a fat kid who wasn't good at sports, I had friends cause I was funny like most fat people become as a defense mechanism. When I hit puberty, I had bad skin and glasses to boot. That's probably one reason I don't like and don't want to have kids, cause I know what vicious little uncivilized creatures many of them are. Also why I can't exercise in front of people. I lost the weight and the glasses in ninth grade, and I was hot, but the wrong kind of hot. I was the trashy looking metalhead with red lipstick and a too-short skirt. At that point I didn't want to fit in with the preppy girls, and I never looked back after that. Still, I have a resentment towards girls who are effortlessly thin and whose hair falls right into place, and wake up looking gorgeous. My weight is a constant lifelong struggle, I have crazy hair that won't behave, and requires a lot of time to look decent, and I'm self-conscious about my skin, and I want a chemical peel to get rid of my huge pores and some acne scarring. Despite those things, I am confident in who I am, and wouldn't trade places with anyone else on earth. I certainly have reached the point where I don't care what other people think, I just want to please myself.