zuli

id been taking about 10 kolonipins a night with 3 ambiens and some vodka and four or five kpins during day for a while now. well this morning i woke up and drove to my psychiatrists office and told the nurse everything. she said shes surprised im not dead, apparently at the dosage i was taking your lungs and heart start to fail.
she recommended weening me off but said legally she could not give me back my meds that i had handed over to her. (i got the script on the first, this morning over half was gone) so im going cold turkey, starting to have withdrawls. she said if i have withdrawls to go to the ER but im scared theyd send me to rehab. i just really need hugs right now. im very disoriented. i remember the other night after taking the pills i was laying in bed and i could feel my organs starting to fail, sort of, i guess. i remember thinking this is it. im gonna die. right now i wish i would of, i dont know how to cope and ive been having horrible vivid dreams about ex boyfriends and rape and being lost a forgotten and abused.tons of stuff ive been trying not to think about. im just scared. really scared and i cant sleep. if any of you are religious pray for me or do what you do because i can use all the help in the universe.