Holy jesus menstruating christ. Suddenly i have comments on my page. Weeee!
Okay so i need a little feedback here cuz i really wanna pitch this to some studio exec who has the say-so over these things.
You've no doubt at least heard of "Nanny 911". Apparently, we americans (ameri-can'ts?) can no longer raise our kids by ourselves and require outside child-rearers (paid for by reality TV) to come in and fix what should have been nipped in the bud before it started.
Now, i have a gang of respect for these women that come in and set shit straight (most of the time... sometimes, the damage is already done, and they just gotta eat the loss), but i gotta wonder if the folks in TV land are doing all they can...
I propose a new reality show, based on Nanny 911, the same way the Surreal Life is based on The Real World. Same principle, just taken to the next level.
What i propose is, a reality TV show in which families plagued by faulty genes and a general apathy towards child-rearing in general can sign up for the privelege of having a crew of specialists come in and do it for them. and by "specialists", i am referring to Chirstopher Walken, Joe Pesci, and Kim Deal of the Pixies.
Whereas Nanny 911 has one nanny picked for each job, our show would bring in each member of the crew in sequence, according to how desperate the situation. First, Walken strolls in to tell some anecdote about when he was a young disobedient child. You're already thinking about a grandfather's watch, i know, but i can't really see that as productive. Most likely it would be a haltingly delivered diatribe about how... you're screaming... i... understand... but... y'know... pretty soon you're gonna have something to REALLY scream about.
Then Pesci comes in and does his thing. If a man not too far from their own size but with an infinitely larger number of much bigger men beaten on camera, screaming at them to shut the fuck up, doesn't convince them, then it comes to the final step.
What the former two lack is the motherly touch. The paternal voice of authority is quite potent, but often there's nothing a kid will respond to like a maternal figure laying down the law. Whatever that law is, the penalty for breaking it is going to be something along the lines of having an empty bottle of Jack broken over their head and about half a pack of lit marlboros extinguished on thier eyelids. For some reason, Kim Deal comes to mind as the kind of figure to dispense such motherly love. It was either her or Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but she's not bitter and haggard enough. Yet.
So that's my show.
~B
And if anyone takes issue with my attitude towards raising a child, they need to go look up Irony in the dictionary. I'm not talking about the Alanis Morrisette definition of irony, but the real definition.
It's a joke.
Okay so i need a little feedback here cuz i really wanna pitch this to some studio exec who has the say-so over these things.
You've no doubt at least heard of "Nanny 911". Apparently, we americans (ameri-can'ts?) can no longer raise our kids by ourselves and require outside child-rearers (paid for by reality TV) to come in and fix what should have been nipped in the bud before it started.
Now, i have a gang of respect for these women that come in and set shit straight (most of the time... sometimes, the damage is already done, and they just gotta eat the loss), but i gotta wonder if the folks in TV land are doing all they can...
I propose a new reality show, based on Nanny 911, the same way the Surreal Life is based on The Real World. Same principle, just taken to the next level.
What i propose is, a reality TV show in which families plagued by faulty genes and a general apathy towards child-rearing in general can sign up for the privelege of having a crew of specialists come in and do it for them. and by "specialists", i am referring to Chirstopher Walken, Joe Pesci, and Kim Deal of the Pixies.
Whereas Nanny 911 has one nanny picked for each job, our show would bring in each member of the crew in sequence, according to how desperate the situation. First, Walken strolls in to tell some anecdote about when he was a young disobedient child. You're already thinking about a grandfather's watch, i know, but i can't really see that as productive. Most likely it would be a haltingly delivered diatribe about how... you're screaming... i... understand... but... y'know... pretty soon you're gonna have something to REALLY scream about.
Then Pesci comes in and does his thing. If a man not too far from their own size but with an infinitely larger number of much bigger men beaten on camera, screaming at them to shut the fuck up, doesn't convince them, then it comes to the final step.
What the former two lack is the motherly touch. The paternal voice of authority is quite potent, but often there's nothing a kid will respond to like a maternal figure laying down the law. Whatever that law is, the penalty for breaking it is going to be something along the lines of having an empty bottle of Jack broken over their head and about half a pack of lit marlboros extinguished on thier eyelids. For some reason, Kim Deal comes to mind as the kind of figure to dispense such motherly love. It was either her or Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but she's not bitter and haggard enough. Yet.
So that's my show.
~B
And if anyone takes issue with my attitude towards raising a child, they need to go look up Irony in the dictionary. I'm not talking about the Alanis Morrisette definition of irony, but the real definition.
It's a joke.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
odette:
I believe you will find UnnecessaryZ's journal today quite amusing. I know I did.
dookiejones:
Whats up homie?!