a year ago today, some pretty bad shit went down.
I was faced with some uncomfortable goings-on, but my reaction was a little over the top. just a smidgen. I'm torn about even posting this, because it's far from flattering. it happened, and it matters, and without knowing that I can't explain where I am now.
I don't remember a lot. mainly what I remember is riding in my friend's car, approaching the emergency room. I don't know if he was bluffing or even went there intentionally, but I knew what it meant and I slammed myself against everything I could while still wearing my seat belt. I think I might have tried to get out of the car while it was moving. really, I can't remember much at all. I'm not unhappy with him for not making me go, but I should have gone.
my scars are still bright red. (my family blamed him, despite my protests, which was entirely unfair) I put mederma on twice a day for six months and it didn't seem to make a difference so I finally gave up.
last night, driving home alone, thinking about all this bad shit, what a frightening person I was, how destructive I was, and how intense absolutely everything felt, I felt like something fell away. it was a year ago... it was a thing in the past. it is done. it is no longer me.
I felt like I could breathe.
it's done now.
I was faced with some uncomfortable goings-on, but my reaction was a little over the top. just a smidgen. I'm torn about even posting this, because it's far from flattering. it happened, and it matters, and without knowing that I can't explain where I am now.
I don't remember a lot. mainly what I remember is riding in my friend's car, approaching the emergency room. I don't know if he was bluffing or even went there intentionally, but I knew what it meant and I slammed myself against everything I could while still wearing my seat belt. I think I might have tried to get out of the car while it was moving. really, I can't remember much at all. I'm not unhappy with him for not making me go, but I should have gone.
my scars are still bright red. (my family blamed him, despite my protests, which was entirely unfair) I put mederma on twice a day for six months and it didn't seem to make a difference so I finally gave up.
last night, driving home alone, thinking about all this bad shit, what a frightening person I was, how destructive I was, and how intense absolutely everything felt, I felt like something fell away. it was a year ago... it was a thing in the past. it is done. it is no longer me.
I felt like I could breathe.
it's done now.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
devilsreject:
can't change the past, can't predict the future, you can only live for today, learning from yesterday to make tomorrow better.
dmac:
Anniversaries are so cathartic. You and I seem to have lots of those, actually. Big important life changing days. Here's to positive, life affirming futures. ♥
