zilah

i just found out that my very first boyfriend... in fact my first sexual experience.... died a few days ago. it is so strange. i have had 4 people my age that i cared about die now so far. one murdered. two suicide. and Russ.... i don't know yet. i'm trying to find his mom. need to say to her that i will remember him. and i have, and i will. maybe i am drawn to the ones who can't handle life well... or maybe this is normal... i'm not sure. but i also have the feeling that if i went... few would notice. it is strange to me that people are so drama-filled and selfish when we could all go at a moments notice.

.... noone gets it... or me... but i will not change... and i will still believe in love and devotion, and social responsibility