zenexistence

I didn't sleep worth a shit last night and ended up taking my meds twice in one day so all you get is pictures.



It annoys me that my anxiety can be as utterly effective [and maybe affective] as it is. Boo. Hiss. It makes me feel weak; like a lesser person. Like a shell that responds to less and less limited catalysts.



I keep having exceedingly dark moments as of late. I can focus more clearly on these moments when I drink. These moments are not due to excessive amounts of drinking but are more clear after I allow myself a drink or two; they allow me to delve deeper into my psyche; to truly reach the feelings that I hide away too often.
One wonders if maybe I should eventually address these problems.



I'm wondering if maybe I have a slight subconscious depression that I'm unaware of (dun, redundant] that I may be tapping into when I let the emotional walls down. The walls don't come down often but when they do it's shockingly bright out there.



If you haven't learned by now I hide everything behind humor. Wry, dry, sly, biting and sometimes tender [which makes the biting easier] humor but that is indeed what I do; hide.



It might be time to step back into the medication arena. And cut back on the caffeine. As much as I do so love coffee the caffeine is wreaking fucking havoc with the anxiety.



This is because too morosely serious of a blog, I'm going to bed.



I'll be chipper and ridiculous tomorrow, no worries.



<3
Scotty