I've been working alot. I had to go in to help with inventory this morning. 8am!!! fuckers. I was up late Saturday night watching a movie called THE CHUMSCRUBBER. I went to bed at 3am. So needless to say I was barely awake for the inventory. Luckily we go through it pretty fast.
Art school is going well. Challenging and mind expanding.
I am finally taking classes that don't bore me to death. Most everything else just seems like memorization. Eastern Religion classes (which it's silly to call Eastern Religion "religion" because it's mostly life philospohies, though many are dogmatic, but anyway) were the last classes that stimulated my mind. I can't really explain it, but I grasp something that just makes most concepts seem simple. Don't get me wrong, it would take me a while to memorize genetics or hard core mathematics or chemistry, but that's just more memorization and problem solving skills. I haven't felt down since I started taking these classes. Art is life. It's as close as you can get to divine nature.
I've been masturbating before I go to sleep for like months now. Now it's such a fucking habit, I almost can't sleep without doing it. I think I am going to abstain for a while...
I want to feel a connection to someone. I want to look in her eyes and just disappear, nothing existing just the sensation of that energy between us. I've felt it before. It's incredible. I've always said that I have so much love to give, but I am realizing now that I am not going to sacrifice the love that I deserve to receive just to have somoene to love. If I love you, you'll always know it. It will be in my actions, my gestures, the way you'll feel in my presence, I want, no I expect the same from my other. She's out there. She'll love me as she's loved no other. I'll love her the same. The two if us will explore the boundaries of love, during our best to remove all barriers, total acceptance and total commitment to one another with honesty, trust, and loyalty to that love. And passion, oh the fucking passion that will stir between us.
Oh my right out here in the open, my heart on my sleeve, as real as I can be.
For a second, I wished I was superman so I could fly, but then I realized that I wouldn't have much of a chance to enjoy flying because I'd be pre-occupied saving everyone from the ills of wrong doing. But is that really how it happens? Are people really innocent? Are those involved as "victims" really not responsible in some way for the events that lead to their undoing or trouble. If we look at re-incarnation (which i don't know if I believe in it) might even a person be re-incarnated from their previous wrong-doings or because they failed to deal with a event from their past so they are then reborn into a life that victimizes them or continues to victimize them? I basically thinking that if I were superman, I might just let people live their lives, not meddle in their affairs, because while I might stop them being hit by a bus, it's up to them to put an end to the drudgery of that lead them into the path of that bus.
My life is mine. I've lived it for others for far too long. This is my life and I aim to live it however I see fit.
Thank you and best wishes.
Art school is going well. Challenging and mind expanding.
I am finally taking classes that don't bore me to death. Most everything else just seems like memorization. Eastern Religion classes (which it's silly to call Eastern Religion "religion" because it's mostly life philospohies, though many are dogmatic, but anyway) were the last classes that stimulated my mind. I can't really explain it, but I grasp something that just makes most concepts seem simple. Don't get me wrong, it would take me a while to memorize genetics or hard core mathematics or chemistry, but that's just more memorization and problem solving skills. I haven't felt down since I started taking these classes. Art is life. It's as close as you can get to divine nature.
I've been masturbating before I go to sleep for like months now. Now it's such a fucking habit, I almost can't sleep without doing it. I think I am going to abstain for a while...
I want to feel a connection to someone. I want to look in her eyes and just disappear, nothing existing just the sensation of that energy between us. I've felt it before. It's incredible. I've always said that I have so much love to give, but I am realizing now that I am not going to sacrifice the love that I deserve to receive just to have somoene to love. If I love you, you'll always know it. It will be in my actions, my gestures, the way you'll feel in my presence, I want, no I expect the same from my other. She's out there. She'll love me as she's loved no other. I'll love her the same. The two if us will explore the boundaries of love, during our best to remove all barriers, total acceptance and total commitment to one another with honesty, trust, and loyalty to that love. And passion, oh the fucking passion that will stir between us.
Oh my right out here in the open, my heart on my sleeve, as real as I can be.
For a second, I wished I was superman so I could fly, but then I realized that I wouldn't have much of a chance to enjoy flying because I'd be pre-occupied saving everyone from the ills of wrong doing. But is that really how it happens? Are people really innocent? Are those involved as "victims" really not responsible in some way for the events that lead to their undoing or trouble. If we look at re-incarnation (which i don't know if I believe in it) might even a person be re-incarnated from their previous wrong-doings or because they failed to deal with a event from their past so they are then reborn into a life that victimizes them or continues to victimize them? I basically thinking that if I were superman, I might just let people live their lives, not meddle in their affairs, because while I might stop them being hit by a bus, it's up to them to put an end to the drudgery of that lead them into the path of that bus.
My life is mine. I've lived it for others for far too long. This is my life and I aim to live it however I see fit.
Thank you and best wishes.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Don't underestimate the powers of flogging the dolphin my friend. It's about as much action as I've seen in like four months!
You wrote "Art is life. It's as close as you can get to divine nature. "
That is so eloquent man.
I understand where you're headed with the superman line. I feel like it mirrors Morgan's "get outdoors" missive... we don't see nature asking to be rescued, rather just begging to be left in peace.
Pride seems to be the coffin nails that I keep coming back to, as in superman's too busy to sing his own praises. As I dig deeper, one thing I like about reincarnation mythos/ethos is its subtle missive against pride, be it pannicky, defensive pride or that of the peacock. "There's plenty of time, and we've all been in each other's shoes," we're informed. Reasonable notions, I say. Truth is, we all struggle with this, and we're all doing the best we can, and practice makes perfect, right?
Vitex berries, also known as chaste tree fruit or monk's pepper, can be helpful for "readjusting the thermostat"; separately, passionflower herb (commonly available in Celestial Seasoning's "Sleepytime tea") is in my experience a wicked-good bedtime brew to "take the edge off."