Double feature blog:
Today feels nice, and perhaps it's because I took a half day at work, or perhaps it's because of the half emptied coffee cup on my desk; I'm not sure. All I know is that I feel good.
Life has become a wonderful experience for me, and at this point I need to start deciding where I'm heading. Yeah, I'm in school, but that doesn't really decide where I'm going to end up, it's just helping to clear a path. I've lead an entire life up until this point letting fate decide what will come next, and while this is the inevitable for any event, I feel as if I can defy it. Well hell, who am I kidding; no one can defy fate, but perhaps I'm able to alter it. It's a comforting thought that everything isn't set on a linear path, though I could see how comfort could also be derived from the opposite, but I'm not that type of person. I like to believe that I'm in control of my destiny, and that the choices I make have an actual effect rather than just conform to a plan. With this said, I hope I find love soon. I've waited a very long time for this, and the closest thing I can say I've found to love is existent within my relationship between myself and my best friend. He has always been there for me and is an incredible person. I feel that very few understand who I am, which is a generic thought I know, and I'd just hope to find another out there soon who I can share myself with. Guy or girl, I don't care, I just want someone there to relate to.
I think I understand why I'm so quite around strangers.
Poem/Story I created today:
The acid took her to a new level again,
She burst through the floor and pretended like it never happened,
I stood back and watched as she came crashing down,
She looked me in the eyes and we stood there in silence.
At that moment I knew what love was,
She was addicted but I cared for someone for the first time,
Looking back at me we knew that we would never be alone,
She was my vice and I was her tool.
Now I spread the cocaine and love is anew,
She remembers why she came to me in the first place,
I look past everything that is apparent,
She looks at everything that is right in front of her.
Reality only stays real for as long as a moment,
She becomes conscious and stumbles toward the door,
Looking back at me she tells me to get the fuck out,
She notices that she doesn't know where she is.
Forgetting what I know in a love fueled rage,
She runs, I run, she runs, and I follow.
I stumble and fall and blackout in a pool,
She never looks back to see what happened.
The acid took her to a new level again,
She burst through the ceiling and pretended like it never happened,
I stood back and watched as she came crashing down,
She looked me in the eyes and we stood there in silence.
Today feels nice, and perhaps it's because I took a half day at work, or perhaps it's because of the half emptied coffee cup on my desk; I'm not sure. All I know is that I feel good.
Life has become a wonderful experience for me, and at this point I need to start deciding where I'm heading. Yeah, I'm in school, but that doesn't really decide where I'm going to end up, it's just helping to clear a path. I've lead an entire life up until this point letting fate decide what will come next, and while this is the inevitable for any event, I feel as if I can defy it. Well hell, who am I kidding; no one can defy fate, but perhaps I'm able to alter it. It's a comforting thought that everything isn't set on a linear path, though I could see how comfort could also be derived from the opposite, but I'm not that type of person. I like to believe that I'm in control of my destiny, and that the choices I make have an actual effect rather than just conform to a plan. With this said, I hope I find love soon. I've waited a very long time for this, and the closest thing I can say I've found to love is existent within my relationship between myself and my best friend. He has always been there for me and is an incredible person. I feel that very few understand who I am, which is a generic thought I know, and I'd just hope to find another out there soon who I can share myself with. Guy or girl, I don't care, I just want someone there to relate to.
I think I understand why I'm so quite around strangers.
Poem/Story I created today:
The acid took her to a new level again,
She burst through the floor and pretended like it never happened,
I stood back and watched as she came crashing down,
She looked me in the eyes and we stood there in silence.
At that moment I knew what love was,
She was addicted but I cared for someone for the first time,
Looking back at me we knew that we would never be alone,
She was my vice and I was her tool.
Now I spread the cocaine and love is anew,
She remembers why she came to me in the first place,
I look past everything that is apparent,
She looks at everything that is right in front of her.
Reality only stays real for as long as a moment,
She becomes conscious and stumbles toward the door,
Looking back at me she tells me to get the fuck out,
She notices that she doesn't know where she is.
Forgetting what I know in a love fueled rage,
She runs, I run, she runs, and I follow.
I stumble and fall and blackout in a pool,
She never looks back to see what happened.
The acid took her to a new level again,
She burst through the ceiling and pretended like it never happened,
I stood back and watched as she came crashing down,
She looked me in the eyes and we stood there in silence.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
too existentialist to have just a simple answer, but that's what makes pondering so frustrating and enticing at the same time.
I've actually applied to Open University to study Philosophy and Psychology. I'll be able to study in my own time and at my own pace from home. I'm just waiting to hear back on whether or not they've accepted me.
What is it that you're studying?
Yeah I get you. I'm a bit up and down with it all.. mostly I'm an extrovert and will happily be the random doll who starts conversations, I do go through phases of being really shut off and stand off-ish though.
The fact that you're happily open to random conversations is great, perhaps you're not as introverted as you think. You'll break out of your shell
xo