zanderphoenix

tonight i am sad. i dont kow why. i was happy this morning. and now i am sad. i think its because i miss certain people in my life and i miss certain things that make me happy and i miss being genuinely happy. and i miss being able to spell. (bad joke) i guess i just miss the things that i used to have and the things i no longer can have and the things that are just out of reach. almost everything i want i basically cant have. and that makes me sad. not material things. but things like happiness and things like love and things like love. repetion ...hell is repetition. i am so bored w/ my life but i am honestly too scared to try anything exciting due to my overwhelming fear of alienation of my friends and family. it makes me sad that all the things i want i cant have and all the things i come to need over time, fade away and haunt me. its sad that i repeat my life over and over, its sad that i cant be happy. its sad that im sad. its sad that now the word sad looks funny cuz i typed it so many times. im so repetitios. i am hell. this sux