zagan

Its sad how people are so unused to modified people, and its the twenty first century. You think by now people would be used to differences in appearance. Unfortunately my family is no different than any out there, not only do they dislike my piercings I border on being disowned whenever I get a new mod. I really want to get a tattoo but I fear it may push my parental units to the brink. Its sad because at twenty years old I should not fear their reaction to my appearance, but unfortunately I still do. However, that has never stopped me before, so I am sure in time the tattoo will come to be, and whatever my parents say is not going to stop me. Their reactions, to almost everything I do, is never a positive thing. Its unfortunate that they cannot accept me with all my quirks and inconsistancies. Its no small wonder why my road through life always takes me back to substance abuse and depression. However it would be shallow of me to blame it on them, Its my reaction to their reactions that always kicks my ass off the wagon. Its painful, its discontenting, and slightly disturbing, but in the end I guess the back of my mind always knows what to accept. I probably should get back out of the situation that I have placed myself in, but my motivation isn't there and my mind is still fragmented, so I in my own way am my biggest enemy. Last night I was watching a discovery Channel show on Humanimals. Everybody on there was heavily modified, and most of them I have either seen before or have met in person while I was living in New Orleans. My mother got so disgusted at the show that she left in a fit. It made me sad that even my own mother could not understand the desire that drives one to modify themselves to that point. To me I hold great respect for the people that choose to do this, I find it beautiful and feel that they must be so completely at one with themselves in order to come full transformation. I just am so entirely put back and don't understand why she cannot see things my way. Its sad because she thinks she is an open minded accepting person, but in my eyes she is just as Stupid and Judgemental as everybody else out there. She doesn't just dislike my mods but openly opposes them. She hats my involvement with modified people, and she dislikes me being a member of BME. Still this is who I am, and she and the millions of other people will never stop me from doing what I enjoy. Mayber she will come to the realization one day that I am still the same person with or without the mods, but even if she doesn't I at least will be at peace with myself.
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