Change is the one constant in life, and either one strives on it and relishes it, or one fights it and gets caught up in the stress of it. It is so sad that so many people hold the keys to their own life, but they sometimes refuse to use it because of the fear of what change will bring. That is the definition of insanity, continuing to do the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I too have been caught up in this insanity myself, mostly when I was on drugs, I would get up and chase that bag every day and expected my life somehow to get better for it. Of course that never happened and while I was spun out and high my world was slowly coming apart at the seems, until my only reprieve in life was that momentary loss of senses when the straw was in my nose.
Since that point in my life I have learned to enjoy change, for only through change can one conquer ones circumstances. However one has to be willing to take full self inventory and find out just exactly what they are doing wrong that causes their lives hardship. Self inventory is hard to do, that I must say, mostly because people have this default set in their head that if their lives are going wrong it must be someone elses fault, that there is always SOMETHING that one can blame these faults on other than themselves. Its this never ending self deception that catches many in the long run. We all have these egotistical traits that dampen our chances of self assessment and inquisition into the roots of our shortcomings.
I of course have this problem myself, believe me it is SO much easier to blame ones issues and ones failures on circumstance and other people. It doesnt hurt as much, and justly so it is easier to hold resentment than to bridge it, and look past the visible problem into the deeper roots that cause the problem. Things are not always as they seem, when divulging into ones psyche one comes across many road blocks the majority of them being self pride and the shifting of blame.
For the longest time, I blamed my drug habit and my addictive personality on my father and other such negative influences in my life. However this is not true in the least, my dad never put the drugs out in front of me nor did he put the straw in my nose and force me to take the lines or smoke the glass dick. After much self reflection and much mental searching, I found that my drug problem was a problem of my own making. No one else was to blame for my drug habit and addiction than myself. It was through my own inability to cope with the circumstances that life put me in that lead to my drug use. Instead of taking the normal way out, by white knuckling it and making the best of what was handed to me, I chose the momentary reprieve that was granted to me by the high.
Its sad though, because of this problem with drugs, I was never able to grow like a normal individual in the coping arena. I still have problems with doing so, I cant deal with stressful circumstances, although I no longer do drugs to get through them, at times I use physical pain which Is just as bad. It is very hard for me to merely think my way out of a stressful circumstance, although slowly I am gaining ground in this area. However, through Cognitive therapy, and experience I have learned to be more insightful into my problems than I used to be. I can look into myself and I am no longer afraid if the source of a problem lies within myself. Just because I have an affinity for causing my own problems (like the majority of people) doesnt mean that I am flawed, doesnt me that I am a failure (like I used to think) it merely means that I am human and humanity has an affinity for causing its own problems (e.g. global warming).
The second part of dissolving a problem is change, and although we may fear the outcome of change and if there are side affects to it that are different for what we have become accustomed to. Fortunately for myself, change has never bothered me, I actually get much amusement form the faucets of difference that change seems to bring. For this I have to refer to my sister, who is very stuck in her ways and has no adventuresome spirit when it comes to the changes in her life. When she heard we were moving to Canada, she just shut down, she stopped talking to us and began physically and verbally abusing my mother and I in a futile attempt to scare us into submission. Instead of taking an inventory of herself and looking at all the options available (which my mom provided many) she shut down and merely went with everything my father said. She is in the last few months of her senior year in high school and has always planned on staying in the Sacramento area to go to university. My mom has a room made up for her and everything here and she could get just as good of a education here (and for less money) than she can in Sacramento. My sister wont hear a thing of it, and has stopped communicating with us all together, choosing to stay in a hostile situation with my father instead of venturing out and seeing if a change in her life brings any reprieve or makes her existence any better.
I could easily see her growing up and dieing in Sacramento because of her adverse thinking towards change. The thing is that in order for people to grow mentally and emotionally is for them to have a certain amount of change in their lives. Instead of holding a inquisitive outlook towards new circumstances or recognizing that ones life is not on the road they wish it to be on, they demurely figure that circumstances are out of control and continue their daily routine hoping that somehow it will change by itself.
I have had friends so stuck in their circumstances and so entrenched in the familiar daily routine they hold that they are unable to look outside the box, unable to reflect on themselves, and unable to find ways in which they can make their lives better. I have met such an individual here and it saddens me the way he lives out his life, not listening to any advice that is handed out by his peers and hiding behind excuses in order to keep his life the way it currently is.
Unfortunately this person has somewhat latched onto me thinking that somehow I can make his existence better. Which I cannot, It is not in my power to make his life better, and even if I was to entertain his notions day in and day out it would not help him but merely make both out lives miserable. Although I enjoy this persons company it is never the less hard for me to hold a conversation with them because our interests are so different, and our emotional scales and though scales are vastly divided. Of course I would never say this to this person, because truly I was raised to be charming, not sincere, and they hold a fragility about them, they are so looking for acceptance and friendship that I could not bring myself to tell them that we have nothing in common, I fear that it would somehow destroy whatever leeway they have make in the world.
It is quite disgruntling because although they are somewhat older than me, hanging around them is like hanging out with a fourteen year old. Because of whatever circumstance they are in their twenties and still havent finished high school (though they are trying to through home school). They have never held a job, and their interests are the same interests I had when I was about 6 years younger. If I ever found myself in that situation I would get my fucking G.E.D. and go into community college. However, this person is so stuck in their daily routine (and I think holds a fear of society and getting out into the world) that they have somewhat stunted themselves emotionally.
Instead of looking into themselves and seeing that their problems do not lie within their circumstance (although a difficult one) but within their own mind, they hid behind excuses and wont see past what things appear to be. Although I am fond of this person, I can not by any means retain a friendship with them because I know it would only bring me down and suck the life out of me. I would spend so much time worrying about them and feeling sorry for them that I would be unable to work on my own problems (which yes, there still are many).
Its not that I think I am any better than this person for I am not, Its just that although I know they look up to me and find me intriguing, I cannot in all good conscience maintain a friendship with somebody whom I feel like I cannot relate to on any score. I am quite good at keeping up appearances and be charming and being seemingly curious in our discussions, but in the back of my mind there is this instinct that nags me to get the fuck out of there and run as fast as I can. I dont care about the movie the crow, I dont know the script by heart nor do I care to. I have never watched the terminator movies nor do I care where they have fucked up or where there are loopholes. I have no conscious thought on weather or not your outfit looks good or if your makeup is great or not please stop asking me, for appearances are the least important thing in my life. I dont care about video games or comedy shows. No I dont want to hear about your love for Marilyn Manson or your Idolization or Chris Angel, I dont care. I am sorry that you think you are a vampire, I think you might need to get some help for that. And NO new Orleans is Not what you think it to be.
Its not that I disdain any of these things, that is great that he is interested in them, but they do not fall in line with my interests. Its just that I cannot in good conscience maintain a friendship when I know it has nothing in the way of interests to keep either of us entertained.
Truly I have to say that a lot of our divide comes from the fact that he has no real world experience. He has never had to deal with people in a working environment, nor read in between the lines when in a drug relationship. I know that he is unhappy with his life, but he does nothing to change the situation he is in. I hate to be so overtly critical of a really nice person, but I have to, because it is people like this that can drag another person down. I have had many such friendships and none of them have ever been very fruitful, more like a farce one must play in order to keep up your end of the conversation.
It is hard for me to even divulge this information to myself for I feel like a conceited snob doing so, I am not a mean person nor an overtly critical person, but I have to assess things like this for my own benefit. Its hard enough living life as it is without miserable people bogging one down as well. As I said I am not at all a miracle worker, I can give them advice on how to better their life, but as they are they do not listen, and expect me to somehow pull them out of their situation by latching onto me and incorporating me into their misery as well, which is not going to fix things at all but merely make my life miserable as well. This I have seen, and this as it is, has happened to me before, and I cannot let that happen again.
I dont need friends who are great and successful but I would at least like friends whom can relate to me and whom with which I share a common ground, like interests or life experiences. I also would like friends who can function on their own and dont need my help or the help of others in order to do so. Okay this being said, I must end this with, Zagan inspiration, dont get caught up in your insanity and dont let the misery of other people bring you down, it is not good for them or yourself.
Since that point in my life I have learned to enjoy change, for only through change can one conquer ones circumstances. However one has to be willing to take full self inventory and find out just exactly what they are doing wrong that causes their lives hardship. Self inventory is hard to do, that I must say, mostly because people have this default set in their head that if their lives are going wrong it must be someone elses fault, that there is always SOMETHING that one can blame these faults on other than themselves. Its this never ending self deception that catches many in the long run. We all have these egotistical traits that dampen our chances of self assessment and inquisition into the roots of our shortcomings.
I of course have this problem myself, believe me it is SO much easier to blame ones issues and ones failures on circumstance and other people. It doesnt hurt as much, and justly so it is easier to hold resentment than to bridge it, and look past the visible problem into the deeper roots that cause the problem. Things are not always as they seem, when divulging into ones psyche one comes across many road blocks the majority of them being self pride and the shifting of blame.
For the longest time, I blamed my drug habit and my addictive personality on my father and other such negative influences in my life. However this is not true in the least, my dad never put the drugs out in front of me nor did he put the straw in my nose and force me to take the lines or smoke the glass dick. After much self reflection and much mental searching, I found that my drug problem was a problem of my own making. No one else was to blame for my drug habit and addiction than myself. It was through my own inability to cope with the circumstances that life put me in that lead to my drug use. Instead of taking the normal way out, by white knuckling it and making the best of what was handed to me, I chose the momentary reprieve that was granted to me by the high.
Its sad though, because of this problem with drugs, I was never able to grow like a normal individual in the coping arena. I still have problems with doing so, I cant deal with stressful circumstances, although I no longer do drugs to get through them, at times I use physical pain which Is just as bad. It is very hard for me to merely think my way out of a stressful circumstance, although slowly I am gaining ground in this area. However, through Cognitive therapy, and experience I have learned to be more insightful into my problems than I used to be. I can look into myself and I am no longer afraid if the source of a problem lies within myself. Just because I have an affinity for causing my own problems (like the majority of people) doesnt mean that I am flawed, doesnt me that I am a failure (like I used to think) it merely means that I am human and humanity has an affinity for causing its own problems (e.g. global warming).
The second part of dissolving a problem is change, and although we may fear the outcome of change and if there are side affects to it that are different for what we have become accustomed to. Fortunately for myself, change has never bothered me, I actually get much amusement form the faucets of difference that change seems to bring. For this I have to refer to my sister, who is very stuck in her ways and has no adventuresome spirit when it comes to the changes in her life. When she heard we were moving to Canada, she just shut down, she stopped talking to us and began physically and verbally abusing my mother and I in a futile attempt to scare us into submission. Instead of taking an inventory of herself and looking at all the options available (which my mom provided many) she shut down and merely went with everything my father said. She is in the last few months of her senior year in high school and has always planned on staying in the Sacramento area to go to university. My mom has a room made up for her and everything here and she could get just as good of a education here (and for less money) than she can in Sacramento. My sister wont hear a thing of it, and has stopped communicating with us all together, choosing to stay in a hostile situation with my father instead of venturing out and seeing if a change in her life brings any reprieve or makes her existence any better.
I could easily see her growing up and dieing in Sacramento because of her adverse thinking towards change. The thing is that in order for people to grow mentally and emotionally is for them to have a certain amount of change in their lives. Instead of holding a inquisitive outlook towards new circumstances or recognizing that ones life is not on the road they wish it to be on, they demurely figure that circumstances are out of control and continue their daily routine hoping that somehow it will change by itself.
I have had friends so stuck in their circumstances and so entrenched in the familiar daily routine they hold that they are unable to look outside the box, unable to reflect on themselves, and unable to find ways in which they can make their lives better. I have met such an individual here and it saddens me the way he lives out his life, not listening to any advice that is handed out by his peers and hiding behind excuses in order to keep his life the way it currently is.
Unfortunately this person has somewhat latched onto me thinking that somehow I can make his existence better. Which I cannot, It is not in my power to make his life better, and even if I was to entertain his notions day in and day out it would not help him but merely make both out lives miserable. Although I enjoy this persons company it is never the less hard for me to hold a conversation with them because our interests are so different, and our emotional scales and though scales are vastly divided. Of course I would never say this to this person, because truly I was raised to be charming, not sincere, and they hold a fragility about them, they are so looking for acceptance and friendship that I could not bring myself to tell them that we have nothing in common, I fear that it would somehow destroy whatever leeway they have make in the world.
It is quite disgruntling because although they are somewhat older than me, hanging around them is like hanging out with a fourteen year old. Because of whatever circumstance they are in their twenties and still havent finished high school (though they are trying to through home school). They have never held a job, and their interests are the same interests I had when I was about 6 years younger. If I ever found myself in that situation I would get my fucking G.E.D. and go into community college. However, this person is so stuck in their daily routine (and I think holds a fear of society and getting out into the world) that they have somewhat stunted themselves emotionally.
Instead of looking into themselves and seeing that their problems do not lie within their circumstance (although a difficult one) but within their own mind, they hid behind excuses and wont see past what things appear to be. Although I am fond of this person, I can not by any means retain a friendship with them because I know it would only bring me down and suck the life out of me. I would spend so much time worrying about them and feeling sorry for them that I would be unable to work on my own problems (which yes, there still are many).
Its not that I think I am any better than this person for I am not, Its just that although I know they look up to me and find me intriguing, I cannot in all good conscience maintain a friendship with somebody whom I feel like I cannot relate to on any score. I am quite good at keeping up appearances and be charming and being seemingly curious in our discussions, but in the back of my mind there is this instinct that nags me to get the fuck out of there and run as fast as I can. I dont care about the movie the crow, I dont know the script by heart nor do I care to. I have never watched the terminator movies nor do I care where they have fucked up or where there are loopholes. I have no conscious thought on weather or not your outfit looks good or if your makeup is great or not please stop asking me, for appearances are the least important thing in my life. I dont care about video games or comedy shows. No I dont want to hear about your love for Marilyn Manson or your Idolization or Chris Angel, I dont care. I am sorry that you think you are a vampire, I think you might need to get some help for that. And NO new Orleans is Not what you think it to be.
Its not that I disdain any of these things, that is great that he is interested in them, but they do not fall in line with my interests. Its just that I cannot in good conscience maintain a friendship when I know it has nothing in the way of interests to keep either of us entertained.
Truly I have to say that a lot of our divide comes from the fact that he has no real world experience. He has never had to deal with people in a working environment, nor read in between the lines when in a drug relationship. I know that he is unhappy with his life, but he does nothing to change the situation he is in. I hate to be so overtly critical of a really nice person, but I have to, because it is people like this that can drag another person down. I have had many such friendships and none of them have ever been very fruitful, more like a farce one must play in order to keep up your end of the conversation.
It is hard for me to even divulge this information to myself for I feel like a conceited snob doing so, I am not a mean person nor an overtly critical person, but I have to assess things like this for my own benefit. Its hard enough living life as it is without miserable people bogging one down as well. As I said I am not at all a miracle worker, I can give them advice on how to better their life, but as they are they do not listen, and expect me to somehow pull them out of their situation by latching onto me and incorporating me into their misery as well, which is not going to fix things at all but merely make my life miserable as well. This I have seen, and this as it is, has happened to me before, and I cannot let that happen again.
I dont need friends who are great and successful but I would at least like friends whom can relate to me and whom with which I share a common ground, like interests or life experiences. I also would like friends who can function on their own and dont need my help or the help of others in order to do so. Okay this being said, I must end this with, Zagan inspiration, dont get caught up in your insanity and dont let the misery of other people bring you down, it is not good for them or yourself.
inkcasualty:
not that is a head full to process...in the middle of fearful change myself right now...I've found your relation in these matters quite insightful....