yellowdays

sooooooooooooooo
i hired a friend to be lokis babysitter. and said babysitter is not my exe's fave person, nor my exe's moms. so i had built up this great big blow out in my head that ended rather nicely. he could see how absolutely anxious beyond all matter of verbalization i was, and reacted in a way i didnt see as masking anything.

on another note, my friend stacy was there. he is really cool guy. and i have been all consumed by this other friend of mine i have been building feelings for lately, that im almost 100% sure doesnt feel anywhere near the same as me. anyhow, i needed to talk to my ex about the impending doom i had created in my mind,and i didnt want to do it before his last bowling game, cuz if he did take it badly i didnt want it to ruin his game, you know?
so i headed to the bar side of his employment to use the washroom before chickening out and going home, and i saw a friend. so i hung out with him waiting for my ex to be done bowling. i was really ajitated as i said prior, and i was really glad my friend was there. we played air hockey and he did a good job of keeping me distracted. i felt so relieved after talking to my ex, that i decided that i should have a drink with my friend.... or 2 or 3. lol. we played pool and he calmed me right down. it was so good. and i have been so concentrated on this other friend, and tonight i really really wanted to kiss stacy, i didnt, but im kinda regreting it now. not that the opertunity was laid out for me, but i coulda just done it, just for the hell of it, just cuz i have always kinda wondered what it would be like. i need to start being more spontaneous i think.

i drove in the city yesterday, that was pretty liberating. mhm. should have kissed him i think.