yap

I was seeing a great, totally amazing, lovably goofy guy for about a month now.....But I have a mental block. Meeting him and actually being in a semi-relationship has made me realize I'm just not ready for one. I just don't want a boyfriend. I'm not mentally or emotionally available for one. I've never felt like this and frankly, I don't like it. He was so cute too! Gorgeous eyes, great Val Kilmer lips XD, and he was silly. Besides the disgusting snoring, and trashy friends, there was nothing wrong with him.
I just had to end it, which happened last night. I've been trying my best to feel something, but I just felt less and less as time went on, because I knew I couldn't do it. I feel so bad for hurting the guy. He was beyond sweet. He treated me better than any other guy I've met. But when you're just not there, you're just not there. Hell, of course I wanted to be.....We both cried of course. And here I go again. lol I'm an asshole.
I miss him already, but it wouldn't have worked out. I would've reached the point where I couldn't stand seeing him and would probably get angry and feel hatred for no reason. This one time, it actually is totally me, and has nothing to do with him.
I just have to be single. I have so much going on in my life now that I'm so shut down to love and anything related. And Valentine's Day is coming......Then the spring will be on its way in another couple of months....I'm sure I'll be yearning for some companionship from time to time, but I also won't want it.

Why do we have to be so in our own heads? At least I am.......SHIT SUCKS.

This week blows. I need a hug.