xxjcblackheartxx

I don't have thoughtful moments of self reflection very often so... I guess i should take advantage of this time. I woke up and saw a beautiful sunrise. I normally hate everything about waking up at 0500 for work but this morning as i was finishing up my 4 miles listening to my favorite music i began to see beauty all around me....This is a crazy notion for me as i am mostly a negative pessimistic person...it made me think if everyone else saw the world like this or if i was just abnormal as fuck for only seeing the bad in all situations....I began to think about my short 25 years on this earth and what i have done...I focus so much on success in my life...and i find it sad that lately my only metric for happiness and success has been me progressing at my job....I realize i can't let this be my only anchor to happiness...I began to think about every person and everything i have ever came in contact with and asked myself was my interaction with that person place or thing important to whatever entity it was ....i mean i think of all my friends ex girlfriends and people i have just passed throughout life and wonder what contribution if any i have made to them.....Its sad to think that possibly i have done nothing worthwhile nor generally important on this earth or with anyone else...I am not sure i want this feeling to go away quite yet just want to understand it all......'sigh'