xombies

i dont like drama. and i dont like being sad. i dont like people who cant control theyre drinking, and i hate people who are stupid with their kids. i hate fucking crying and i hate feeling alone. theres always someone there but im still fucking alone. and no one wants to hear me anymore and im overwhelmed. cant i just fucking be overwhelmed? cant i feel good enough? strong enough? when is enough enough anyways? people are dying in my life and people are leaving and no ones around to pick up the pieces and i feel responsible because i couldnt keep my mouth shut, or because of some shit. but its about everyone not feeling good enough and it just fucking makes a mess. people only need you when they really need you, because otherwise, they dont give a shit about what you need. not like im better. i never said i was better. but i dont think im worse and i dont think i care what i am. im a fucking mess and i hate it. i fucking hate it. just one big fucking rollercoaster and the last two years of my life seems to have vanished into mud. apparently im the only one who didnt see how unhappy i was. maybe if i was so fucking unhappy, id lierally be fucking happy now. but no. im not. im not fucking happy at all. im livid and im annoyed and i hate people who fucking assume they know who i am. and its always the same. people assume. i felt happy. but certain things upset me. and you know, it doesnt even fucking matter anymore does it? no. it sure as hell doesnt. everythings over right now. and i have to keep pushing, but this time, youre not here to help me and i think thats fucked up. because last time you were here. and i didnt ask for your help but u wanted to help me so badly....