Is anyone else lost in space today?
I'm kind of here, but kind of not. My upper back hurts from being hunched over all the time. A habit I developed from not having enough confidence as a child. You would think as an adult I would learn to stand up straight, because that would logically prevent this issue from happening. Yet here I am, hunched over a laptop in a cold room alone typing whatever nonsense my brain decides to vomit on a screen. Forever embedded in whatever cosmic space the internet allows us to retain information by.
I wonder what the rest of the world is doing today? Are you having a good day? Do you know that I care if you're having a good day? I have a lot of empathy. I wish I could connect with this world full of emotional damage and neglect. It's hard to have a genuine heart in today's society. No one cares. "Have a good day!" to everyone at the drive thru window. I can tell by their eyes they've heard it at least 300 times before I've said it and they didn't believe it when the first person said it. I mean it. My intent is there. My smile is genuine. My smile is always genuine unless I'm sad and just smiling so I look dumb enough to pass for okay, but that is only reserved for specific people I will allow to destroy me, because I have a choice. I just always choose the smell in the air instead of logic. A mix of lust and full blown love. I could explode. I wish I could force combustion.
I just want to be little particles you breathe in. Roll me up in your cigarettes and smoke me so I can be with you forever.
