I meditate. I burn candles. I drink green tea.
...and still I want to smack someone.
My friend just gave me a set of post-its with the aforementioned phrase on them. She placed them by my computer monitor yesterday.
I just noticed them. For some reason they totally cracked me up...
hmmm, perhaps it's because I was only able to sleep for FOUR hours! Why only four you ask? (Come on ask me, you know you want to.) Well by jove, I have a god damn PIGEON outside of my bedroom window feebly attempting to attract a mate. We named him Philippe. He makes sex sounds, that I first thought were the neighbors. "WOOO WHOOO, WHEW, WHOOO, ooo, ooh, WOOOOO, WOOOOO..." and on and on and on. He had a female pigeon for a day or so, but I think she either realized she could never take him to meet her parents, or she was lured away by a bigger/stronger/sexier pigeon. Maybe he whined too much. Damn, I need to get a super soaker...
Okay so you with me so far? I have a LOUD dumb crapping rat-with-wings that lives in the eves of my house AND, (yes there's an and...)
My roommate, bless her heart, has a wonderful cat named
Noname.
Great cat.
Except for now.
Because she's in heat.
And she's loud.
Very loud.
So god damned loud I could cry. I try to close my door to shut out some of her yowling, that doesn't help. because if she goes through the bathroom to the stairs that lead into the basement... there's another door that leads to my room, only now she has fucking acoustics! It's like an opera from hell on speaker phone!! So now she's yelling and yowling and generally just sounds like someone is trying to kill her. She's very lucky I adore and love cats, because I'd take her up on it, put her out of her misery.
The absolute best part is when you get Philippe AND Noname going at the same time. It sounds like an extremely desperate and somewhat painful orgy. Like two people who don't know what their doing, but neither of them have had sex in so long they don't care. *shudder*
*whimper* To top it all off, I've got cramps that would make a horse go lame, or a Navy SEAL cry.
Someone just drop a plane or something on me.
I need a hug.
...and still I want to smack someone.
My friend just gave me a set of post-its with the aforementioned phrase on them. She placed them by my computer monitor yesterday.
I just noticed them. For some reason they totally cracked me up...
hmmm, perhaps it's because I was only able to sleep for FOUR hours! Why only four you ask? (Come on ask me, you know you want to.) Well by jove, I have a god damn PIGEON outside of my bedroom window feebly attempting to attract a mate. We named him Philippe. He makes sex sounds, that I first thought were the neighbors. "WOOO WHOOO, WHEW, WHOOO, ooo, ooh, WOOOOO, WOOOOO..." and on and on and on. He had a female pigeon for a day or so, but I think she either realized she could never take him to meet her parents, or she was lured away by a bigger/stronger/sexier pigeon. Maybe he whined too much. Damn, I need to get a super soaker...
Okay so you with me so far? I have a LOUD dumb crapping rat-with-wings that lives in the eves of my house AND, (yes there's an and...)
My roommate, bless her heart, has a wonderful cat named
Noname.
Great cat.
Except for now.
Because she's in heat.
And she's loud.
Very loud.
So god damned loud I could cry. I try to close my door to shut out some of her yowling, that doesn't help. because if she goes through the bathroom to the stairs that lead into the basement... there's another door that leads to my room, only now she has fucking acoustics! It's like an opera from hell on speaker phone!! So now she's yelling and yowling and generally just sounds like someone is trying to kill her. She's very lucky I adore and love cats, because I'd take her up on it, put her out of her misery.
The absolute best part is when you get Philippe AND Noname going at the same time. It sounds like an extremely desperate and somewhat painful orgy. Like two people who don't know what their doing, but neither of them have had sex in so long they don't care. *shudder*
*whimper* To top it all off, I've got cramps that would make a horse go lame, or a Navy SEAL cry.
Someone just drop a plane or something on me.
I need a hug.