The absolute beauty and giving nature and grace of the world, basically embodied by a great many things, but in specific by the very beauties and beings who to me are a surreal dream of what I only imagine were the “mothers” and “caregivers” surrounding me in an infantlike state cooing at me and smiling and making me understand love and beauty. Life is hard. Life is a struggle. Life is unending torment. But at this very moment I have to say girls you make me very very very ashamed that I am not a better man, a more godly man, a more capable man, a man at all in any sense to ever be worthy of any of you.
I dont know what else to say. Perhaps I’ll try a selfie later once I get my hands on some baby powder and a fresh shave and try to offer not the “prototypical muscular strength” god/man image but that of a sensitive almost womanly and definitely needy and weak if beautiful in his own way person.
Thank you ladies. I am of course in observance at this time of my own frailties and faults and the excessive goodness of all other reality. It’s wonderful and a miracle, but ultimately spirit crushing and longing for one to find a penultimate rest in the end. It’s like being critically aware that even your most beautiful of works and efforts are nothing next to your fellow man, your fellow woman, and he/she god him/herself.
cheers to you ladies. You offer a comfort an a vision that defies the harshness of reality. Within reality. I am at a loss. And completely humbled in a very pleasing if feeling like a worm in the dirt kind of way.