xabluestarx

the last few days have been amazing.
i've felt so many different rushes of emotions..

right now i don't know what side is up
and which is down.

i took a buncha pictures of buildings and random things at balboa park tonight, i even took one of me and it turned out okay, i think? i'll have to upload it tomorrow.

tonight was probably the first night ever it felt okay to NOT be dating josh. i've felt so much happier around him since all this pretense and all the lies he told have been cleared. we're actually really good friends.. we can spend the whole night together and not fight if we just drop the pretenses. and instead of longer for more, i sorta just feel happy with us getting along and that's all.

of course this could all change tomorrow as unstable as my mind can be. but right now i'm beginning to enjoy things how they are.

and there's a boy that i miss right now.
i need to spend more time with him.. i want to feel as though i KNOW him. i want that feeling of comfortability that seems to be right there, if only i could reach out and grab it. i want to see where it leads me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying, and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered, just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing.
We are, we are, desirable.

Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.
Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies, while closing our caskets cold and tight.
But I'm dying to live.
d.c. ~ several ways to die trying