well...today has been productive.
-called the girl scout troop...all 15.
-finished up my taxes(states)
-cleaned my paper filing area...amazing what you can find
-rescheduled my jury duty(i thought today was the 4th)
-got paperwork together for foodstamps
-inquired about getting sponsorship from jagermeister for our roller girl team!(go jager!)
still to do:
-get groceries(that milk is getting rank!)
-cook dinner
-go to roller derby practice...
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-called the girl scout troop...all 15.
-finished up my taxes(states)
-cleaned my paper filing area...amazing what you can find
-rescheduled my jury duty(i thought today was the 4th)
-got paperwork together for foodstamps
-inquired about getting sponsorship from jagermeister for our roller girl team!(go jager!)
still to do:
-get groceries(that milk is getting rank!)
-cook dinner
-go to roller derby practice...
Read More
i discovered this weekend, that while my judgement, and ability to juggle many people's egos all at once, has gotten better than it used to be...i'm still prone to get caught up in moments when i'm having fun, and have problems being considerate to other people involved. i think the hardest part about being in a relationship of any kind, friendship, lover, spouse...is loving the...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
andreaandrea:
You don't have to tell me. The real partyin' hadn't even started when I had my first one at 17-- which is why the second one took 5 more years in the making 
Anyhoo, i tried the normal soccer mom thing at 24ish and hated it, wasn't really recieved well of the 30yr old moms. I just didn't fit in. hmmmm?
Anyhoo, i want to come the party that onie is having but it's spring break for the boys and we're going to do a family trip to somewhere...?
Anyhoo, i tried the normal soccer mom thing at 24ish and hated it, wasn't really recieved well of the 30yr old moms. I just didn't fit in. hmmmm?
Anyhoo, i want to come the party that onie is having but it's spring break for the boys and we're going to do a family trip to somewhere...?
andreaandrea:
p.s. give me your # again and we'll try to coordinate something sometime somewhere someday! 
roller derby practice kicked so much ass, including my own, tonight. it was the best, and roughest practice we've had yet. i love my girls...they push themselves..hurt themselves...then get up and hurt some more. our hockey coach is awesome! he pushes us with a smirk on his face while demanding pictures of the bruises. i made all my jumps without falling...but during a scrimage, i...
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they never cease to amaze me.
my oldest, who just turned 6 a few weeks ago...just read from an old reader from the 50's by herself...then wrote and illustrated a rough draft book report. she's in kindergarden. i don't remember doing anything more complicated than fingerpainting in kindergarden. i mean, yes, she has exceptional parents...her father could read newspapers at 4...and i was 6 in...
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my oldest, who just turned 6 a few weeks ago...just read from an old reader from the 50's by herself...then wrote and illustrated a rough draft book report. she's in kindergarden. i don't remember doing anything more complicated than fingerpainting in kindergarden. i mean, yes, she has exceptional parents...her father could read newspapers at 4...and i was 6 in...
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gailstorm:
They will. They're make her childhood a living hell.
But she'll be the one firing them later on.
But she'll be the one firing them later on.
well...my computer just locked up on me. hate it when it bitch slaps me like that. i think it wanted me stop reading while listening to really bad 80's music. speaking of computers? does anyone know how to install a video card? ours is not installing.
what am i doing?
i think this is the first time in my life that i really have no...
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what am i doing?
i think this is the first time in my life that i really have no...
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undressyourheart:
Sleep, sleep, sleep, That's all I would do if I could. 
aproximation:
What kind of video card (ATI, Nvidia, etc...)? What operating system (Linux, OSX, WinXP, Solarus, etc...)?
I think you have it figured out! To not have plans and to be happy in that state is what ever relegion trys to atain. Cause if you can do that - be happy accecpting things as they come and just take things one day at a time - then you can never be dissapointed, never sad or lost, becasue you dont hang on to things in the past and dont get confused looking to greener pastures in the future. I envy you!
I am lucky when it comes to nature. Where I live I get to hear crickets and I can walk to the foothills. I can stand on my roof at night and watch the lightning in the thunderstoms that surround the valley my town is in in the summer, but I also cannot go dancing a t fetish clubs unless I drive to denver (I have no car and the cab is $70 each way) where there is apparently only one night of fetish dancing anymore sence my favorite club closed, and it is at a gay bar (which is fine I guess but I like girls too, proabably mostly).
I think you have it figured out! To not have plans and to be happy in that state is what ever relegion trys to atain. Cause if you can do that - be happy accecpting things as they come and just take things one day at a time - then you can never be dissapointed, never sad or lost, becasue you dont hang on to things in the past and dont get confused looking to greener pastures in the future. I envy you!
I am lucky when it comes to nature. Where I live I get to hear crickets and I can walk to the foothills. I can stand on my roof at night and watch the lightning in the thunderstoms that surround the valley my town is in in the summer, but I also cannot go dancing a t fetish clubs unless I drive to denver (I have no car and the cab is $70 each way) where there is apparently only one night of fetish dancing anymore sence my favorite club closed, and it is at a gay bar (which is fine I guess but I like girls too, proabably mostly).
what the fuck?!?!?
why do i have such mentlaly unstable friends? and why do theyall end upwanting to fuck me?
last night, first the neighborkissed me andinvited me to his place...where he asked to touch my boobs. of course i said no...and his mouth tasted like an ashetray anyway. i just thought it quite funny.
then later in the morning...my friend who came from north...
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why do i have such mentlaly unstable friends? and why do theyall end upwanting to fuck me?
last night, first the neighborkissed me andinvited me to his place...where he asked to touch my boobs. of course i said no...and his mouth tasted like an ashetray anyway. i just thought it quite funny.
then later in the morning...my friend who came from north...
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gailstorm:
Yes, we must hang out.
sniggitysnags:
Who isnt mentally stable in this day in age? So many people warped by *insert warped reason here*... I'm only mentally unstable when Ive been drinking.... and Ive been drinking tonight.... 
i love days like these.
i miss the sun...spring and fall are my favorite seasons. spring is when the world, and the animals are waking up...even the flowers smell like sex. fall is when things are going to sleep.
when i walked down to the store to get some goldenseal extract for my daughter's ears, i wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on...
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i miss the sun...spring and fall are my favorite seasons. spring is when the world, and the animals are waking up...even the flowers smell like sex. fall is when things are going to sleep.
when i walked down to the store to get some goldenseal extract for my daughter's ears, i wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on...
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i've been really philosophical and distant today. even on the train i wrote poetry instead of reading like usual. i think the poor black folk on the train thought was crazy...i know i had that mad distant look in my eyes like a woman possessed. it was something i had to get out. maybe my inspiration is coming back. i also am craving working on...
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i'm feeling better today...the pressure in my uterus is escaping. a night of roller skating and sweating always helps me feel better. i got smacked in the face, and have a bruise on my jaw today. sore spots are for good times.
so now i need to work on getting my house clean.
such an overwhelming feat for me. today my goal is the living...
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so now i need to work on getting my house clean.
such an overwhelming feat for me. today my goal is the living...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
aproximation:
Your proabably right. I should do a fast just for something to do. The idea scares me though becasue when I get weak and tired, that is when darkeddy comes around to whisper his sweet nothings into my ears.
Like today for example. Today was proabably the most sober I have been in weeks: no hangover, no plans to get messed up, a full belly, but totally tired. After I got out of the movie i was watching cars on the highway waiting for the bus to come. I thought that a road best opitimizses the downfall of cognizance: humans moving things and themselves from on place to another and nothing is achieved.
After seeing Constantine of course I was thinking big picture.
I am non-religious but my fater is especially anti-christian (and thusly I tend to lean that way) because of how agressive they have been historicaly and currently - think church and state re-unification here in the US with Faith based initiatives - money flowing from the government to churches, but I digress partially becasue I am medicated so that I might get something done tonight besides... Well, you'll see...
*edit* You dont deserve what I wrote here. Your far too nice, and what I wrote was too crude and insensitive of me to post here. Sorry.
Three skulls and I am out.
I am sorry to write this all here. I have never told anyone this stuff and I hope that you can read it without feeling bad, without attachment. I hope that it makes you feel better infact that you are not as fucked up as me. You have two beautiful kids (kids are ALWAYS beautiful, they are perfect becasue they are innocent. ) yo have a husband. You are not afriad of your flesh.
Anyway, to return to my origional point. The weakness I would experence after three days of not eating scares me. Perhaps If I had someone to share it with, for support....
Well, sorry again for the painfull ramble. i must now go hide in medication and circuitry, software and code. Thank you for...
Thank you.
[Edited on Mar 08, 2005 12:30AM]
Like today for example. Today was proabably the most sober I have been in weeks: no hangover, no plans to get messed up, a full belly, but totally tired. After I got out of the movie i was watching cars on the highway waiting for the bus to come. I thought that a road best opitimizses the downfall of cognizance: humans moving things and themselves from on place to another and nothing is achieved.
After seeing Constantine of course I was thinking big picture.
I am non-religious but my fater is especially anti-christian (and thusly I tend to lean that way) because of how agressive they have been historicaly and currently - think church and state re-unification here in the US with Faith based initiatives - money flowing from the government to churches, but I digress partially becasue I am medicated so that I might get something done tonight besides... Well, you'll see...
*edit* You dont deserve what I wrote here. Your far too nice, and what I wrote was too crude and insensitive of me to post here. Sorry.
Three skulls and I am out.
I am sorry to write this all here. I have never told anyone this stuff and I hope that you can read it without feeling bad, without attachment. I hope that it makes you feel better infact that you are not as fucked up as me. You have two beautiful kids (kids are ALWAYS beautiful, they are perfect becasue they are innocent. ) yo have a husband. You are not afriad of your flesh.
Anyway, to return to my origional point. The weakness I would experence after three days of not eating scares me. Perhaps If I had someone to share it with, for support....
Well, sorry again for the painfull ramble. i must now go hide in medication and circuitry, software and code. Thank you for...
Thank you.
[Edited on Mar 08, 2005 12:30AM]
aproximation:
Its funny, it rained here this morning too.
What I edited was just the tape loop that runs in my head in times like those. Just self destructive nonsense.
I wouldn't say that I am scared of myself. I am just scared of what I might do and how much pain I would feel if I let it take over. How much would my mind bend: would I kill myself, would I hurt someone else, who knows.
What I edited was just the tape loop that runs in my head in times like those. Just self destructive nonsense.
I wouldn't say that I am scared of myself. I am just scared of what I might do and how much pain I would feel if I let it take over. How much would my mind bend: would I kill myself, would I hurt someone else, who knows.
i feel like a bad parent. i shouldn't. i feel overwhelmed. i feel out of balance. i feel like i'm too busy to even question what i'm doing. i feel like i want to be left alone. but i want to be held, coddled, and cuddled. i need someone to clean my house, take care of my kids for me, then give me a bubble...
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hypermediocrity:
i wish i had someone to clean for me too. even though i dont have kids, with my weird hours, im often exhausted like that.
speaking of reading, i'd kill to buy myself some new books. can you recommend any?
speaking of reading, i'd kill to buy myself some new books. can you recommend any?
aproximation:
I hope your not getting sick, but it does sound like it.
Do you have any relitives that live near by that can give you a break from the wee ones so you can take care of yourself? That is a tough place to be in.
Perhaps smacking into some people might cheer you up?
Do you have any relitives that live near by that can give you a break from the wee ones so you can take care of yourself? That is a tough place to be in.
Perhaps smacking into some people might cheer you up?