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wyspurr

Hendersonville

Member Since 2004

Followers 51 Following 32

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Monday Mar 07, 2005

Mar 7, 2005
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i'm feeling better today...the pressure in my uterus is escaping. a night of roller skating and sweating always helps me feel better. i got smacked in the face, and have a bruise on my jaw today. sore spots are for good times.

so now i need to work on getting my house clean.
such an overwhelming feat for me. today my goal is the living room. tomorrow, the kid's room.

i'm going to go cuddle now.
beds rock! so do warm snuggly bodies!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
aproximation:
Your proabably right. I should do a fast just for something to do. The idea scares me though becasue when I get weak and tired, that is when darkeddy comes around to whisper his sweet nothings into my ears.

Like today for example. Today was proabably the most sober I have been in weeks: no hangover, no plans to get messed up, a full belly, but totally tired. After I got out of the movie i was watching cars on the highway waiting for the bus to come. I thought that a road best opitimizses the downfall of cognizance: humans moving things and themselves from on place to another and nothing is achieved. skull

After seeing Constantine of course I was thinking big picture.
I am non-religious but my fater is especially anti-christian (and thusly I tend to lean that way) because of how agressive they have been historicaly and currently - think church and state re-unification here in the US with Faith based initiatives - money flowing from the government to churches, but I digress partially becasue I am medicated so that I might get something done tonight besides... Well, you'll see... skull

*edit* You dont deserve what I wrote here. Your far too nice, and what I wrote was too crude and insensitive of me to post here. Sorry. skull

Three skulls and I am out.

I am sorry to write this all here. I have never told anyone this stuff and I hope that you can read it without feeling bad, without attachment. I hope that it makes you feel better infact that you are not as fucked up as me. You have two beautiful kids (kids are ALWAYS beautiful, they are perfect becasue they are innocent. ) yo have a husband. You are not afriad of your flesh.

Anyway, to return to my origional point. The weakness I would experence after three days of not eating scares me. Perhaps If I had someone to share it with, for support....

Well, sorry again for the painfull ramble. i must now go hide in medication and circuitry, software and code. Thank you for...
Thank you.

[Edited on Mar 08, 2005 12:30AM]
Mar 7, 2005
aproximation:
Its funny, it rained here this morning too.

What I edited was just the tape loop that runs in my head in times like those. Just self destructive nonsense.

I wouldn't say that I am scared of myself. I am just scared of what I might do and how much pain I would feel if I let it take over. How much would my mind bend: would I kill myself, would I hurt someone else, who knows.
Mar 8, 2005

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