wolfyone

Oh boy, what a day its starting off to be, woke up far too early and already caught a nap, or perhaps I went back to bed...either way, I got more sleep and I felt better when I awoke. Once again Im sitting here dealing with more bs from a chick about an asshole dude. This has turned my mood. I started reflecting on past relationships and how they all ended and such. I was reminded about being the "other guy" a few times and how I ended up just wasting time. Something has to give. Im tired of being the shrink. Im tired of being the clown. Im tired of this same old same old. A long time ago I was told happiness is not something you earn or deserve, happiness is a choice. It makes sense to me, however it doesnt stop me from thinking that perhaps I dont deserve it. This doesnt make sense to me, well because I know better. Why is it no matter what role I play, whether its a front or its my genuine self, nothing goes right? Well not so much right, maybe good or well, I dont know. Im in a rut, a funk and I don't see a way out and for the first time I can honestly say Im not looking for one. People ask me to go places with them and they dont seem to understand that being the new person at a place sucks. I feel alienated enough in my familiar areas, where Im known. I don't need to go somewhere, where Ill see chicks and dudes having good times and me, Ill sit there and think, over analyze like always. Its what I do, every day every where. Plus being in a new place will tweak my anxiety and then Ill have that going on too. No, Id rather go to the place I go to and drink my beers and shots and where im 1/4 mile from home, so if Im too fucked up, I can stagger home safely. Perhaps this is the reason I am alone. Theres a portion from a song by Alice Cooper called I Never Cry, I end this blog with that. Have a great day SG.
"Sometimes I drink more than I need.
Til the tv's dead and gone.
I may be lonely but Im never alone
and the night may pass me by,
but Ill never cry"