I'm not sure what to do.

5

So, I've been very candid about my situation. If you read my nonsensical ravings, you know about my failures in life, and what I'm doing with my life now.

I had, for a surprising amount of time, a few good friends in my life. But, you know how life works. They moved, got jobs, started lives, etc. We kept in touch, and saw each other...
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wolfwood1203:
@libris The only reason I agreed to go out later tonight is because we'll be at his grandma's house. So it'll be just a handful of people, all of whom have been vaccinated. I never liked bars, even before. But, I don't drink. That aside, thank you. It's good to hear that every so often.
oldernow:
@wolfwood1203 glad it helped a bit - i was trying to say that while everybody fails, for approx. 60% of the world that is useless information, like tits on a bull or the reason behind taxes.  for most of us there are different paradigms that work better: for the inspiration-seeker, it is like fishing: mindlessly doing things like casting every minute actually won't help.  sometimes just sitting and waiting (as Aurora has said more than once) is the best way to gather information and energy.  my niece is like that... she worked a simple job in a flower shop for 10 years and everyone kept at her (but me) to "make something of yourself" then the shop went up for sale, she bought it and two years later became the most successful retail store in town.  so long as we aren't getting sucked dry by waiting... if we are, then we gotta move... gotta run with the wolves... (btw the warriorsandweirdos board is interesting, and the instagram community around Aurora is unusually supportive and creative--but maybe you already know these things...)

I'm lazy.

7

Okay, so I didn't do a lot of baking this year for xmas... But I couldn't skip making these. As long as I can remember, they've always been an xmas staple for my family. Russian Teacakes, Mexican Wedding Cakes, call them what you will. We always called them Snowballs. Happy holidays, hope anyone reading this has a good one.

What holiday foods did you keep...
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vithen:
I want to eat all
rare:
Nice!

Can't sleep.

5

So, my anxiety has adapted to my coping strategies. I used to be able to recognize when an anxiety attack was approaching, and I could take the necessary action to stop it. That usually meant taking a Xanax. I recognized about 20 or 30 minutes ago that I was in the middle of an attack, and frantically began the search for my meds. I checked...
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wolfwood1203:
@vithen That's harder to do than you might expect. I don't really know who I am anymore, or what I like. I've spent too many years deferring to the wants of others, and I lost myself in the process.
vithen:
I know what you mean 💖

Friday

8

I tend to forget how empty the creative process can leave you. I just finished a chapter of a story I'm working on, that I realized partway through was going to be a climactic moment in the story. But anyway, I feel so damn drained now. A couple hours spent inside my head will that to you, I guess.

What I'm left with now, however,...
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arroia:
I totally talk to my dogs when I feel like that. 😅 Hope the result was worth the drain. And thank you for your kind words, this is probably one of the hardest things I've gone through in life. I have good days and bad days, but each one seems tiny bit easier.
wolfwood1203:
@arroia I used to talk to my cat, but unfortunately, he's no longer with me. It's been a tough year. For everyone, apparently. Still, It's been cool being back on the site. Long time no talk, by the way. Too bad it's not under better circumstances. Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, I guess all you can do is take it one day at a time.

Gaming

4

Has anyone played Back4Blood? I've seen some videos about it and it looks really fun, but also really difficult to play solo. It looks like it's cross platform too, which is cool. I'm thinking about getting it while it's on sale, but I don't want to have to go online with randoms...

A nice surprise.

13

I found out yesterday, that my best friend was back in town. I knew he was going to be visiting, but I guess I never asked what days. So, it was quite surprising to get the text telling me he was back and wanted to hang out. It sucks not getting to see people you care about very often, but it's such a nice feeling...
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babel:
That is really a very nice surprise!
lizablue:
Nicee

Why?

7

All freaking day, everyone stays in their own rooms, at their own tvs, etc. So why is it, that the exact moment that I sit down in front of my computer to start writing, is the moment when suddenly these damn people all want to start talking to me. And it's just bullshit, talking for the sake of talking. But I have to sit and...
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Blast from the past.

13

I caved. I was holding out because I'm broke, then I found it on sale on the playstation store. So, I've started playing through Saints Row the Third, remastered. God, I forgot how much fun this game is. Don't get me wrong, I liked the 4th one well enough, but it wasn't nearly as good. Most importantly though, it allowed me to bring my girl...
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medmusa:
Never played what game is it? I understand the love from old games.. for example I played all kingdom hearts saga but noone of the sequel are beautiful as the first one 😵
wolfwood1203:
@medmusa It's like a grand theft auto type game that doesn't take itself seriously. It's definitely more of a comedic experience.

Crazy shit.

9

Interesting day.

So, at about 6 in the morning, I'm lying down trying to get to sleep. I'm basically nocturnal at this point, don't judge. Anyway, I hear these dogs barking and barking and going crazy. I'm tired and angry, when I hear a loud pop, followed by silence. I carefully peak out my window and see a car speeding past the house.

I was...
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libris:
That really is frightening, I'm glad you all are ok.
medmusa:
Scary and crazy outside your peaceful and safe place  😵

Happy Halloween! (I know, I'm so original.)

6

Oh crap... it's already Halloween, huh? I used to really look forward to this. But these last couple of months have been rough. I think I'm still not really recovered from the loss of my cat. I know that sounds silly to some, but he was my best friend for 16 years. I honestly didn't expect this blog to turn down this road. Sorry. Not...
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libris:
Happy Halloween!  It's not easy losing your furry bestie, I told Moxy the same thing.  You had such love for your cat, and it was returned unselfishly that there isn't any way you're going to recover from that any time soon; and don't feel like you have to do so.  I lost my dog in 2017, whom I had since she was 6 weeks old that she felt like such a part of me, travelled with me, and was my constant side kick, that when I lost her it was devastating.  I still miss her with every fiber of my being, dream about her, and know she'll always hold a special place in my heart.  It's just now I'm even considering getting another dog, but I know that still won't be for awhile.  I understand your grief, and you grieve how you see fit.  Switching gears, I can't stand how Halloween decorations come out in September, then they're gone in October replaced by Christmas!  Michael's does that, and it drives me nuts.
wolfwood1203:
@libris Thank you. I think it just surprised me last night when writing the blog that I started talking about losing him again. I was just going to write about Halloween. I guess that's the thing that's hard to get used to, they were always there with you, and now they're gone. Anyway, I think most stores do that now. It's depressing seeing Christmas go up alongside, or even before Halloween. Some 'sacred' holiday, they've commercialized Christmas so much it's lost any meaning.
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