Well. I'm reluctant to say anything, in case I do what I always do... but so far, this seems different. So, I've been trying to get into a healthier lifestyle this last month or so. If you've seen my pictures, it's no secret that I'm a fat guy. I've tried in the past to make changes to that, but I always end up giving up...
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Where to start? I mean, I know nobody actually reads this shit. But it's still nice to get this stuff out in some way. Even if it's basically just shouting into the void.
I've been dealing with anxiety for a while now. I mean, borderline debilitating levels of anxiety. It's caused a lot of issues that I didn't used to have to deal with. I...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
wolfwood1203:
@tokenwhitegrrl In the past, yeah. But lately it seems like it's just thirsty dudes and onlyfans posts. I don't usually get many responses anymore.
oldernow:
@wolfwood1203 I agree that this site has deteriorated into a pre-onlyfans platform and little else. I have mostly migrated to a couple of loosely connected folk on insta. // regarding Buddhism: really the Hubert Benoit book is worth reading and not too fancy. The Dalai Lama has produced a number of accessible books that don't mislead you if you go deeper. Red Pine's "Heart Sutra" or "Cold Mountain Poems" are definitely worth a look. for something genuinely off the wall, read Hakuin (18th century? earlier?) =- his commentary on the Heart Sutra is online in several places. It sounds a lot crazier than it is, but i've been studying that sutra since 1966. Everyone comments on it - as mentioned I'd start with Red Pine and the Dalai Lama. // wishing you well.. wishing more community //
My brother got a kitten a couple months ago. She's a cute little thing that the kids named Ludo, after the big monster in Labyrinth. Well, today she got into my room for the first time. She found every damn spot where my Pilz-e used to like to sit, and sniffed them like crazy. Then she went under the bed... and found where he died....
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babel:
🥺💔
Well, I'm starting to lose touch with people... again. I tend to go through periods where I feel like I'm just bothering the people in my life, so I stop reaching out to them. On one hand, I do get tired of having to be the one who always texts first. But on the other hand, that's exactly why I start feeling like a pest....
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unita:
oh how I understand you! sometimes it seems that I bring discomfort to other people when I write often
wolfwood1203:
@unita I really hate that feeling. Which is why I'll tell you, if you ever need to talk, you can always send me a message.
So, my brother's ex-wife has been living with us these last two months. For some reason. Now, none of us have any problems with her. She's actually been interacting with her kids, which is cool considering how many times she's abandoned and ignored them up to this point. Needless to say, they've learned not to get too attached. Which is really sad, but it's smart....
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So, because of my impatience while waiting for Elden Ring to be released (yes, I will absolutely be playing it), I ended up downloading Sekiro. First time playing it, don't have any guides or walkthroughs, completely blind run. All I knew going in, was that it was supposedly crazy hard, maybe even the hardest in the Soulsbourne games. I'm not very far in, just killed...
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I'm old. Today I'm officially closer to 40 than I am to 30. I'm not fan of birthdays. Too much disappointment over the years, I've learned not to place too much importance on them. But something about this one just... sucks.
I'm probably letting anxiety win the day again. I know that it's dumb, and that I shouldn't compare myself to other people. But when...
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babel:
If writing makes you happy, DO IT!!
Man, I didn't realize how fully nocturnal I've become until thinking about it earlier. I used to have to sleep in perfect dark. I kept my room so dark, that the little lights on electronics that indicate they're charging seemed bright by comparison. But insomnia took effect, and add the years passed, the time I actually fell asleep got later and later. Now, I don't...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
oldernow:
@wolfwood1203 you might try the somewhat expensive app called "Calm" which has guided sleep relaxations, white noise and other stuff. I teach meditation (and am a counselor) and many people have reported success in getting a bit of freedom from their anxiety listening to this stuff. we have to remember that our unconscious colors with the 8 basic crayons =- i.e. simple, sappy, or dark emotions and while such "guided talks" are basically b.s. if they soothe the beast, then it's worth it. to be clear i am not connected to this app other than at my student's request i've done some of their exercises and guided relaxations and can say they are at the least harmless and as i said, helpful to some. anxiety is one of those beasts that once conquered is easy to kill, but until you find its heart as it were, it is a restless demon always changing shape...
wolfwood1203:
@oldernow The only trouble with guided anything, is that you have to be willing to give yourself over to the speaker, at least to a degree. It's like being hypnotized, it requires a level of surrender. And I'm too cynical and stubborn for that to work. I definitely don't begrudge anyone who can use those kinds of apps or guided meditation, but it's just not for me. I've spent the last few years in self reflection. Whenever I have an anxiety attack, or any depression related issues, I try to stop and look at what I was doing, what could have caused the issue. I've been able to use that to stop attacks, or to keep from snapping at people. It's also helped me understand a lot of what's going on in my head. It's slow going, but it's improving little by little.
Okay. So, last time I was angry, venting about how my idiot sister managed to give my 11 year old niece covid just days before she was going to get her vaccine. While she did test positive for covid 4 days ago now, my niece doesn't have any symptoms. So luckily, she's been fine this whole time. However, that still means that she's a carrier,...
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nebula:
I'm glad your niece is feeling better. Hope things keep improving 🙏🏻
libris:
I'm so glad she's doing well! Is the rest of your family ok?
Jesus... Talk about a shitty end to a shitty year. My idiot sister has, for these last two years, insisted on going out to the bar to get shitfaced on an almost nightly basis. Yes, she's an alcoholic. The people she hangs out with are anti-mask, anti-vax, morons. So, today we find out that she tested positive for covid. The whole family, the remaining seven...
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nebula:
I hope your niece is doing okay and recovers quickly and without too much stress. One of my nieces just tested positive as well :/ though we think she got it from school :( unfortunately too many people acting selfish in this pandemic....
nebula:
good luck with your story! I'm trying to finish some written work this year also. fingers crossed for both of us