10

But goddamn it, why do people react the way that they do?

Okay, so if you read my blogs, you might remember that I strongly suspected that I am an undiagnosed autistic. I've taken a few tests on embrace autism: the Autism Quotient, the RAADS-R, and the CAT-Q. Based on the results, I no longer suspect. Now I know that I'm an undiagnosed autistic. Yes,...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
samihain:
Self diagnosis is valid, it's very hard to get diagnosed and it took a lot of research and stress before I found someone who could diagnose me (at the age of 35). Don't worry about what others say, most of the time they mean well and are just uninformed. I usually use that as an opportunity to educate them. Late diagnosed autistics often have trouble unmasking, myself included, so try to be patient and understanding of yourself. ๐Ÿ˜Š
wolfwood1203:
@samihain I wondered why there was such a pushback against autism, until I learned that it's a fairly new diagnosis (the first case diagnosed was about 80-90 years ago). I'm still trying to figure a lot of stuff out, so I'm not too mad at family and friends reacting that way. Anyway, thank you for that, your reassurances, I mean. It's helpful to hear someone who knows what I'm feeling tell me that it's valid. I'll do my best to be patient with myself.
7

I really hate the way that I am. I'm in the middle of an... anxiety attack? some other kind of mental breakdown? I don't fucking know what to call it. I'm not well at the moment. I'm rocking back and forth and wringing my hands together so much they're turning red. I just can't function. I need help, I need to talk to someone. But...
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wolfwood1203:
@fredhincanada @cerebus666 Thanks, I appreciate it. Yesterday was just a bad day I guess.
fredhincanada:
We all have bad days, for sure.ย  But we're here.ย  Reach out to us, my friend.ย  At least we can let you vent against us.
6

Damn. Looks like I'm on my last month here. Can't afford to stick around, and no idea when I'll have the money to rejoin. But I suppose it had to end sooner or later.

VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
wolfwood1203:
@ali @nerestorm no idea when I'll be able to come back, unfortunately.
wolfwood1203:
@fredhincanada Sadly, I have to. My broke ass can't afford it.
12

Alright, so, I started thinking about this aboutโ€ฆ 5 or 6 hours ago. Tonight was my first trip back into the 'wild' since before the pandemic. I've avoided large crowds for a good three years now. So, of course, my anxiety was in overdrive. It's a familiar feeling really. But at the same time, it's not a feeling that's easy to describe. My body starts...
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wolfwood1203:
@cerebus666 My back begs to differ... ๐Ÿ˜‚
cerebus666:
Ignore it @wolfwood1203 ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚!
8

I'm not allowed to get sick anymore. I've been dealing with a particularly nasty cold over the last week. I survived, and no, it wasn't covid. But it was bad enough that my family wouldn't let me cook. Which in turn meant fast food all week. These people are hopeless...

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cerebus666:
Hope you're well now ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ช and can stop eating only fast food ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ!
wolfwood1203:
@cerebus666 Yeah, thanks, I'm doing a lot better now. And I got to cook some sesame ginger chicken and white rice for dinner, so it's all good.
12

Anyone care for a blueberry muffin? Fresh out of the oven. I got bored, we had blueberries, the rest is obvious.

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unita:
oh yes i want to try๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค
wolfwood1203:
@unita And I'd be more than happy to make them for you.
10

But I just spent a good hour to two hours playing Power Wash Simulator. It was... fun. Why was that so enjoyable? What weird itch in my brain does that scratch? Why am I going to keep playing it? I am going keep playing it, by the way. I just zoned out for an hour or so and power washed.

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headshot:
I just watched a gameplay video. I liked. It's strange to say, but I would play this game.
wolfwood1203:
@headshot Right? It really seems like a weird game to enjoy.
8

Last February I had to make a tough choice. Should I pick up Horizon Forbidden West, the sequel to a game I really liked? Or should I pick up Elden Ring, a game I wasn't initially interested in? I picked Elden Ring, and 400+ hours later, I don't regret that decision. But for the last 3 weeks, I've finally been able to pick up and...
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cerebus666:
Great to read, that you're making progress and don't let yourself down, even if something doesn't go the way you planned it ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช!
wolfwood1203:
@cerebus666 Well, it's a constant struggle. But I'm learning as I go. There's always going to be ups and downs after all.
6

Seriously, 01/23, always feels like I'm giving a fake birthday. What's that? Shameless birthday plug? Yeah. I did it. Birthdays kind of run different these days. I guess I've done something right helping out with my nephews and nieces. They seem to want to celebrate. And my nephew got me a present, which I wish he hadn't, but I really appreciate. Kind of weird, but...
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cerebus666:
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ช
7

I know I don't usually do anything special to celebrate... but there's still something shitty about having a birthday fall on a Monday. Yet here we are, coming up on a Monday birthday. That's right, in five short days I'll be another year older. 37. Not a big one, but getting closer. The pessimist in me, of course, has me wondering if anyone will remember....
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libris:
I don't think there's anything selfish about wanting to be remembered on your birthday.ย  For the past two years no one has remembered my birthday at work, and it's really my fault because I never mention it's coming up.ย  I can't expect people who have their own lives and families to remember a co-workers birthday.ย  Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful 37th year, and I'll be sure to text on Monday!ย  Do something you enjoy this weekend to celebrate you!
wolfwood1203:
@libris Rationally speaking, I understand that it's not selfish. But I still feel selfish for wanting it.ย And that's something that I still need to work on, learning to be selfish (in a good way).